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Bearing The Truth

Author: od9.1.04
ASL Info:    15/f/oh
Elite Ratio:    1.68 - 18 /38 /19
Words: 100
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 790
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 625


I write this poem for my mom also. 9.01.04

Bearing The Truth

What I want to learn isn't in a book.
I have a great yearn.. I want to take a look.
My curiousity is growing... I'm on my way.
My wanting is knowing, knowing someday.

I hope they'll tel me, hope they care.
For what I can't see I hope they share.
They tried to hide it way to long.
Now I'm more fit... alot more strong.

I know I can bear the shocking truth.
Why can't they share just because I'm youth.
They don't understand my great concern.
What was my mothers plan? Why did she leave Earth?

Submitted on 2006-07-25 09:59:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I've noticed how you're new to writing, which is good... poetry is always a great habit to pick up, especially when going through tough times such as these.

IT's not evident that you're a rookie, considering the fact that people who've been writing much longer than you, are maybe only slightly better. You rather remind me of myself... I started off wirting poems such like these... ABCB rhyme, or in this case ABAB... also sonnets are good for rhyming and technique cleaning up too.

Now for the poem...

Obviously, there's a loss here, and you're trying to portray your feelings... and I think you did a rather good job at it cnosidering it was spoon fed (no offence) but you've taken a step back from these emotions, therefore having them come out with precision.

My only suggestion, considering you're new to this is that you try and distance yourself more from the poem and try nad make the poem more abstract so you have to think about the meaning a little bit more (not spoon feeding)

Overall, I rather liekd this poem, and you're well off for a beginner! Take care and I'll be back for another visit.
| Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by Rask | [ Reply to This ]

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