Sometimes in my sleep
pictures of you come streaming back to me...
Keeping hold of my soul,
taking over my mind,
all that I am.
The memories break down the flood gates
taking me back to what once was...
the sounds of happiness echoing around me...
We were happy then.
Now, it's only in memories, in dreams.
That is the only place I can find you.
Life is now filled with silence....
While I sleep.
Never wanting to wake.....just to keep you with me once more.
While I sleep.
| your an okay writer, nothing too special, i have seen better, but i have seen worse. you have talent though, just keep working on it.|
you are pretty by the way, if thats you in your profile picture.
|| Posted on 2007-02-26 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ] || Just like a old time movie, the heart is broken and it seems it never mends? Your writing breaks my heart sometimes. No one should have to go through the pain you have! One good thing came out of all this? Your poem! It was great!!!|
|| Posted on 2006-10-26 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ] || That is gorgeous. One of the best things I've read in a while.|
Love may be a cruel joke made to torture the heart, but at least it inspires great poetry
It's interesting how you can say so much without even saying much at all.
I know too well what you mean, and you described it perfectly.
If I wasn't medicated, I would have cried.
Very beautifully done
|| Posted on 2006-08-08 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ] || Love can tear you apart one moment, and have you floating on the clouds blissfully the next. Don't stop the journey because of one mistake, or because one 'love' affair didn't come out the way you expected, you deserve the love of the world, the respect of a man that is willing to forgive, and see you for who you truly are. If this person is so filled with Christ, and spouts the life of a christian follower, than he of all people, should have looked past something so trivial, and seen into your heart. Sometimes fear can put up a wall, but he should have seen the true you that was just waiting for him to be that one, the one to hold on. You're a jigsaw puzzle Sorrel, but one day, your prince will put you together. Don't give up.|
As always, this was beautifully written, and from the heart. I don't see how you could change anything about it, I believe it would be like trying to change your emotions, your feelings, who you are. Great piece.
|| Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by Greyson | [ Reply to This ] || Love lingers in the "mind" and "soul|
, flashing back in our "dreams" and reveries. A love that is lost, can remain with us for a lifetime, others can be forgotten in an instant. What separates the two? Perhaps it is the degree of emotional surrender, how much of ourselves we have given to the other.
Your poem reflects this recurring "memory." The eventual breakdown of resistance, and the "flood" of emotions. It shows a genuine acceptance of the "memories."
S1 - I think you could change "come streaming" to "stream."
S2 - Again, avoiding the use of "ing" change "keeping" to "keep" and "taking" to "take." Add "and" to start the last line.
S3 - No need for "The."
S4 - Change "taking" to "take" and "echoing" to "that echoed."
S5 - Eliminate this entire line. "happiness that echoed around me" says it all.
S6 - Major change here. Let me know what you think.
"Life is now filled with silence;
I can find you
only in memories , in dreams.
S7 - Eliminate this line. S6 says it.
S8 - Drop "once more."
This "torture" you speak of is what makes the world move. It gets deeper as life and love progress. Along with the pain comes the joy and ecstasy. In the end we realize the worth of suffering.
Terrific poem! Very insightful.
|| Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ] || Hey Sorrel,|
Love is indeed a cruel joke made to torture the heart but then love is a feeling that we can't help but feel and when that is being played with, then it really feels like torture because we loose control of those feelings and it's like our head and our senses has disappeared...the only thing that is there is our feelings and that's what we want to rip away so that we won't cry anymore deep down.
the thing that really got me with this piece was that although this person is no longer in your life, you still dream that things were still the way there were. you didn't want it to end but it did and now you are faced to live with it whether you like it or not...that has to really suck...Don't be depressed though...It happens...It happened to me and gosh did i was miserable but then i found out that it didn't make much sense me crying myself to sleep while he was out with his friends partying and forgetting that i am home pouring my heart out to my pillow. Honestly, it's nice to let all those emotions out but trust me, misery should not be your company right now.
Just take it from someone who didn't sleep for weeks and had dark circles under her eyes...She didn't look too nice ( the mirror never lies).
Take care of yourself...It's the one thing you got to do.
Hope to talk to you soon.
|| Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ] || I totally know that feeling, where waking is the most painful of things. You just want to maintain what you have in dreams. The problem is, once you wake enough to realize this, there is no going back. You return and yet everything has changed, just as in reality. I know the feeling, but I don't get it often.|
I've never been very lucky with dreams. I don't remember most of them, and the ones I do tend to be on freaky side...I rarely get a moment of joy or happiness or even just calm in a dream. Everything floats by at a hundred miles an hour, and the pieces I want to keep are even faster. Kind of blows when you can't even rely on your dreams for escape. I always seem to be grasping out for images that just get farther and farther away...or I run at the drop of a hat.
I can't tell you if you effectively describe a broken heart...I've never had one. I'm more familiar with the absence of feeling. But I can say that this poem left me hungering for more, like food had been taken from my belly.
The description reminds me of a Bright Eyes lyrics.
"Love is just an excuse to get hurt
And I want to hurt
I do I do I do
So hurt me."
Anywho, nice write that while dealing with depressing material doesn't get bogged down in overt self-pity. That is rare. Take care,
|| Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ] |