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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Crimson Watersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LoveToHateMe
    ASL Info:    20/girl/Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.61 - 175/148/42
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 822
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1115



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrimson Watersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We wait along the shoreline,
    my shadow's creeping up.
    Three words are what we're here for
    but sometimes they're not enough.
    Hold on until it breaks you,
    no one does it quite like me.
    With one shift of the moon,
    we are washing out to sea.
    I'll drown in these harsh waters
    before Id let go of your hand.
    Because you would bury yourself alive
    and leave your outline in the sand.
    Adding to the wasteland of the bodies,
    before you could ever know,
    what you threw it all away for,
    and corpses never grow.
    And I can never change it,
    those things we cant erase.
    You say, "You were so close to perfect."
    I can see it in your face.
    But you cant see it in my eyes,
    lined with crimson, dripping red.
    How you cut me just like they did,
    and kicked me as I bled.
    Now beneath this wave comes crashing,
    is the worst part of me.
    I made the blade before you used it,
    now we'll die in this red sea.




    Submitted on 2006-07-25 18:41:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      his one is powerfull good write keep writing don't let your flame die!!
    | Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by bleeding_sin | [ Reply to This ]
      What?!? I didnt comment on this?? I'm such an ass.
    I'll just do it now.
    Samm, I love all of your creepy metaphors and how you always make them sound good without having to sacrifice the original meaning.
    The whole thing seemed to have a mangled, blood-stained cloud around it. I love it.
    You are amazing.
    I would dissect this and tell you what I like about every line, but I'm sooo tired and I have to go shower.
    I <3 you and your talent.

    As always
    Wonderfully done (duh)


    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-08-14 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      hello friend.

    ya done good kid, ya done good.

    "We wait along the shoreline,
    my shadow's creeping up.
    Three words are what we're here for
    but sometimes they're not enough.
    Hold on until it breaks you,
    no one does it quite like me.
    With one shift of the moon,
    we are washing out to sea."

    J'adore this whole part. (look at me using french!)

    however dear,i do wish you would split this glorious poem into stanzas.i think it would read better. but that's just the opinion of one hungry weirdo (meaning me)

    umm... i don't believe i have anything else to say, so i'm gonna stop typing now.

    see ya in a bit,
    -Kate
    | Posted on 2006-08-14 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      ghgch
    | Posted on 2006-07-27 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]
      My lord, you simply continue to impress.
    This is, in many ways, vivid in my mind. I love the ocean/blade association, and I thought the picture the entire piece painted was simply magnificent. You truly have talent, there can be no doubt about it.

    "Because you would bury yourself alive
    and leave your outline in the sand."

    That line is absolutely briiilliant. Continue writing, I think you have absolutely what it takes to. The raw emotion which you manage to exude within your poetry amazes me. It's a level that I can't quite manage, though perhaps that's simply because my voice when I write is much different than yours, but truly I am envious.

    I'll be excited to read whatever you write next, to be entirely honest.
    | Posted on 2006-09-06 00:00:00 | by Fade ElBrunen | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem very much... beginning with the first verse, "We wait along the shoreline, my shadows creeping up. Three words are what were here for but sometimes there not enough." That is a powerful verse. The whole poem is well structured and screams of love and lost love. Will check out some of your other stuff because you can definately write from your heart. FOr a person your age I am impressed. Nice work!

    Dennis
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by Daokao | [ Reply to This ]
      I really loved this write, especially the picture you painted with it, the whole ocean/shore thing was really good because it's easy to feel like you're there, to see what you're talking about in the literal sense right away. I really got a lot of different feelings reading this, one real love because it seems like you'd go 'to the end' with this person, another being kinda self hate because you recognize that some things are your fault too, and really I just felt a lot of passion in what you said, you have some amazing natural talent and it just made this write, every word in it fit together so perfectly. there were a lot of parts that I really liked but I'll give you my opinion on a few of them,
    "Three words are what we're here for
    but sometimes they're not enough."
    it's so true how sometimes no words can amount to enough, and what do we do when I love you's just not enough? I think a lot of the time we have to let our actions speak louder then our words but at the same time sometimes our actions don't seem like enough either, like dying for that person doesn't even seem like enough ya know?
    "before you could ever know,
    what you threw it all away for,
    and corpses never grow.
    And i can never change it,
    those things we cant erase."
    it's sad the things we do before we know the effect they'll have, before we could even imagine the effect they'll have on other people. and the whole 'corpses never grow' line was so creepy in a really beautiful way though because it had so much meaning and at the same time it was the most unique line I've read in a long time. and then the last two lines in that part....it sucks that there are some things we will always wish we could change and are forced to hold onto forever because we can't go back and make them right.
    "But beneath this wave comes crashing,
    is the worst part of me.
    I made the blade before you used it,
    now we'll die in this red sea."
    amazing ending, it's really awesome how you were mature enough (not trying to be rude I think you can be mature/immature at any age I'm just saying) to admit that some of it was your fault, and that you're going to acdept what will come because of it.
    all in all this was a brilliant write,
    peace and love,
    ~jess~


    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm...i liked this. I especially liked the setting, a nice ocean/ beach setting. What a great setting for a poem (i also used that for my last poem).

    you had some good wording in here, and it was a good poem. I don't understand it completely, but still, it was good. And that's good.
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by Dylan fan | [ Reply to This ]


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