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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Titanic Apathydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: heartlessname
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 48/58/14
    Words: 219
    Class/Type: Poetry/Religious
    Total Views: 1165
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1465



    Description:
       This is not about the titanic, more about how people waste their lives in apathy and 'sin' but when confronted with death they change instantly to try and squeeze a few more seconds out of life. Anyways, enjoy!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTitanic Apathydots
    -------------------------------------------


    The luxury steamer of life presses on
    in icy waters of apathy.
    Six billion passengers,
    who don't know the way to the lifeboats,
    walk about the deck
    with their (distracting) drinks in hand.

    The (pointless) party goes on,
    breeding popular intoxication.
    The buffet is (frequently) restocked
    to keep the endless gorging in style.

    Every action,
    every day,
    made closer the distance.

    What seemed so small on the surface,
    and we thought could be avoided;
    finally catches up with us,
    and the hull is (finally) breached.

    As compartments fill with fluid,
    the weight of consequence bearing down,
    we'll breakout the bibles
    as the band plays on;
    our prayers as empty as the cabins
    and our minds as full as the rising bow.

    In the clarity of panic we realize
    how He had been
    doubled crossed on the cross
    and in this (forced) repentence
    for more hours on earth,
    the value of those wasted minutes
    greatly appreciates in every mind.

    A few words absolve
    trillions of heartbeats spent in evil.
    The signal's sent out
    and every spirit will cry as it's
    sinking in sin and the scriptures subside:

    S.O.S.
    God! S.O.S.!!
    SAVE OUR SOULS...




    Submitted on 2006-07-25 19:31:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      it's awesome, i really got into it and injoyed the well explained detail. i think its one of ur best.

    stay brilliant,jenn
    | Posted on 2006-07-27 00:00:00 | by bbcherry | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this one Heartless. The personification and the detail you put into it is amazing! I think you should get a book published. lol. Yea but even though im satanic I fully understand where your comming from on this. Keep writing

    -Creep
    | Posted on 2006-07-27 00:00:00 | by Mr. Creep | [ Reply to This ]
      Heartless
    I have to give you credit for this one
    I find it true as well it is quite sad that when people are faced with disaster or an illness such as cancer they immediately turn to God for Help
    I am Thankful these people have found God at such a time as he will and always does help the pain to subside
    I just wish they could have found him and enjoyed his Love when things were going Good
    As I have said before God is a Peace Loving God and Understands evreyones desires
    Some need a disaster to Find The Lord but Honestly I am very Happy that at least they have found his Love so they can easily enjoy the journey into Eternal Life
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please keep in touch!!!
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very interesting poem. It puts a new point of view onto things.. I do indeed love it. I think you are a very talented writter.. Keep up the great work

    R.Bayden
    | Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by remedy bayden | [ Reply to This ]
      wow
    i realy like the personification of this
    its absolutely wonderful

    i love the line ::
    as the weight of consequence bearing down

    thats awesome
    i love how you give the people on the titanic and the titanic such personality

    this is wonderful

    i really enjoyed it

    <3

    asherrr
    | Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by brokenHEARTed09 | [ Reply to This ]
      I love your style of writing. Its very thought-provoking. I found this one interesting. REalting to kind of like the titanic. but focusing more on the pathetic prayers one sends out to Heaven at the face of Hell's door. The only thing that I found a little distracting were all the (Brackets) throughout the poem. Maybe you were trying something our, but it kind of took away from the flow. Good job and keep writing
    ~Caotic~
    | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem had a twist. I liked that. you explained the titanic well. i like that in a good writer. i'm disciplining myself to do that more often. sos: save our souls. brilliant. i loved the movie titanic. you just made it all the better by explaining as well as you did. Hazzah!!
    | Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by Solitary Blue | [ Reply to This ]
      Trully liked this piece, it has like a double meaning and it makes you think. It made me think. It seemed like you really thought about it or it just came to you, but you wrote it and personified it and all that. It turned out really nicely. I think I'm just became one of your fans. ;)
    | Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by Foreseer | [ Reply to This ]
      I rather liked this one, much like all your work it has a deeper meaning and it worked well with the surface you fixed it with. Also, much like your other works, this is painstakingly true, no denying which is really emphasised here... especially through the bracketed words.

    I liked the fact that this piece hadn't any rhyme, yet it flowed so well... most of the time you find pieces which have that little touch of rhyme which make the flow work, but you didn't need that, rather impressive.

    My fav stanza had to be:

    In the clarity of panic we realize
    how He had been
    doubled crossed on the cross
    and in this (forced) repentence
    for more hours on earth,
    the value of those wasted minutes
    greatly appreciates in every mind.


    I liked the way you portrayed theirdownfall... rather elegantly, yet melancholy. It works well. The imagery is great, throughout the whole poem, but I especially liked the imagery given in this stanza. I believe, here, also when you put 'forced' in brackets, it kind of helped, showing how maybe they don't think of it as forced, and selfish... also helped emphasise as well.

    I also rather liked this stanza

    Every action,
    every day,
    made closer the distance.


    I liked how it was short, yet had a lot of meaning... it's hard to capture moments like those. Also, the paradox used... 'closer the distance' is what helped capture that moment I believe... and although, I'm not entirely sure what it means, it made me read it over a few times... catching my 'awe'

    Overall, I rather liked this piece and your portrayal of peoples selfish perception on religion to save their asses, even if for a few more seconds. Your imagery and descritpion, as always has done you justice... your poetry always brings about a new topic, unlike mine... I enjoy your creativity, hope to read more from you! ;) hehe.

    I love you <3
    | Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by Rask | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, that is one way to look at life. So true... so very true. I'm not sure what it is, personification? Giving humanlike charictoristics to something? I dont know, i forgot the word, but you did something alot.

    The titanic sank into the ocean as will all our souls into the cold known as sin. O_o Thats all that comes to mind for me.

    I didnt see any spelling errors, not grammar issues. But i didnt search for them.

    I liked it.
    Wrath of Mowsy
    | Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by MowsysWrath | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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