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Tomorrow's Child Gone

Author: James Reyna
Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 227 /166 /24
Words: 81
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1893
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 584


Alright so I know that this is a very touchy subject of abortion and I know that we all have our different opinions, however those who disagree with me might call me "narrow-minded" but I am willing to listen to your opinion so long as you listen to mine. And remember don't just bash my work cause you disagree.

much LOVE

Tomorrow's Child Gone

Tomorrow's child gone
Never to return
And though quietly looked beyond
Their hearts did once burn
With good things they would do
Positions and honors they would earn
But society, they say
No life does exist
We can throw them away
Their lives wont be missed

Tomorrow's child gone
You held in your hands
The potential for greatness
But it didn't last
And though you're wrong try not to regret
Because what's done is done
And death is death.

Submitted on 2006-07-25 22:51:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I commend you for writing a poem about abortion as it is not something most people would write about. I found a few grammatical errors however:

Tomorrow's child gone

Perhaps you should change this to:

Tomorrow's child is gone

for clarity.

And here:

Their hearts did once burn

Kind of a nitpicking grammatical correcting on my part, but the original subject of this poem is singular (child). I suggest that you either change child to children or change the their/theys.

But society, they say
No life does exist

Wouldn't it be better to say something like "But in society..." "...can exist"? I had to re-read this because it caught me off gaurd.

But it didn't last

Perhaps change "it" to that?

And though you're wrong try not to regret

Is it really a good idea to flat out tell your pro-choice readers that they're wrong? To me it ruins the poem because instead of just stating your view you start pointing fingers.

This may seem like a harsh reviewing of your poem, but it's all grammatical and easy to fix. I'm not going to put my view on abortion in this because it is unnecssary. Keep writing.
| Posted on 2007-04-30 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngel | [ Reply to This ]
  "You held in your hands
The potential for greatness"

A very powerful line James! This is the one that struck me as my experience of life has shown me that there are many ways to take a child's potential. Here you have written about one way and I think that is great (not great that it happens, great that you decided to write about it).

I like your work here, it is sorrowful writing for a sorrowful subject.

You are a wise soul. Thank you for sharing.

| Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by Lisa-Marie | [ Reply to This ]
  well for me personally i am against abortion, and have been ever since i lost my unborn child to a incredibly stupid accident, so for me to bash you for writeing about abortion would be hypocritical i think. anyway i thought the peice was very good, im not sure i like how you ended it the way you did, it seemed so final and ended so suddenly, although yes i know life is like that, i personally would have liked you to end it a lil softer,since the begining was pretty gentle even if it was hard, i hope this makes sense, if not im sorry, either way great job....Joy
| Posted on 2006-11-15 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  When it comes to abortion I'm sure everyone has strong opinions in one direction or the other. I am believe passionately that every child has place and purpose in this world and abortion is murder... snuffing out a potential for greatness.

This is thoroughly sad and I think it states very clearly your opinion (and mine I might add) that is wrong to disregard a life no matter how new and undiscovered.

A beautifully haunting write!
| Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by kiddo13 | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked this piece. It was strong in your views and well writen. I agree with you and I hope you weren't given a hard time over this work, it was great no matter how contriversial the subject. Great piece, keep writing.

| Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by S.A.M. | [ Reply to This ]

My opinion is I believe everone has a right to their own opinion. I think it is part of our freedom to speak our minds and voice our opinions. There are a lot of things that have been upheld by the US Suoreme court that I disagree with, like taking prayer out of our schools for one example.
Anyway back to your write here, as I said you have the right to your opinion and I for one can respect that so I'll not bash your poem.

Time foe me to move on now...

| Posted on 2006-07-28 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
  I think your right in your words and you show you have wisdom beyond your years in this poem. I have two wonderful friends thats mothers could have aborted them. One was born to teenage mother and the other was conceived because of a rape. All it took was a choice and they could have never existed at all. I like the way you ended it "death is death" very powerful.
Great work.
Love and Peace,
| Posted on 2006-07-27 00:00:00 | by lynn7 | [ Reply to This ]
  i guess i will be the first to say that i actually do agree with you, and i loved this. i like what you have to say and the way you say it. i like the second stanza more than the first one, the way it comes down to it and concludes. i'm sorry if this is a "compliment" type of post, but i just really really liked this.
| Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by girl | [ Reply to This ]
  This isn't bad. Insofar as the actual poem goes, you might want to change "through" to "throw," as that seems to make more sense. The other thing that I didn't really get was how, in the last statement, you told the reader 'not to regret' choosing to abort the pregnancy. Isn't the point of the piece to expose the guilt of those who choose to destroy fetuses? Seems like it's kind of saying "look, you pretty much ended some great thing before it started, but don't worry about it, it's over." I dunno.
| Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
  Even though, no, I don't agree with this certain view of abortion. I really loved this poem. It left me with a feeling of almost sorrow.
Any poem that makes anyone feel like that must have been written by a very talented author. So your talent shows.
It was amazingly written. And the ending was also amazing. I always think a strong poem needs an even stronger ending. And you nailed it.

I love love loved it.
| Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by Coffee Brake | [ Reply to This ]
  You definately need to change through to throw.
Its a shame that abortion is an issue. Both men and women should have more common sense than to let unwanted pregnancies happen...and I can understand the logic behind rape and incest abortions. Who wants to be reminded that their child came from a situation like that? I am for choice...I'd rather see a life aborted before it gets started than watch another life brought into the world with a parent or parents that cant support it and/or dont truely love it.

Anyway, nice ending though and the rhythm and pace of the write was not perfect, but could use some tweaking...such as:

But society will say
A life does not exist
Throw their carcass away
Their heartbeats wont be missed

Or something like that...kind of adds more to the guilt vibe of the poem. Just my thoughts though...thanks for sharing.
| Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  This is extremely sad. Especially that line; "There hearts did once burn" It's like killing somebody. Taking away a life that could have been great. As you can tell, I am dead set against abortion. I believe that everyone deserves a chance at life. And it's no one's decision to take that away. We are only human.
I also agree with Gwenith, if people even contemplating abortion read this, maybe, just maybe they wouldn't go on with it. This is a great poem. One that informs everyone on how we shoudn't take away any precious life.

Great work

| Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]
  if only all that even concider aboriton could read this,i think it would sway their opinion, it was a great write, but if i were the one writing it, i would display more of what the world would be missing when some oone commits murder...great job!
| Posted on 2006-08-02 00:00:00 | by Gwenith Louise | [ Reply to This ]
(Be warned, this is a long and fairly passionate comment... Talking about abortion tends to bring out that side in me.)

Even though I am very, very pro-choice (in other words, I believe all women should have the choice as to whether or not they have the child that is growing in THEIR womb, and I don’t think the government or anyone else should have the right to restrict such a thing. If you don’t like abortion, then don’t get one. Even if you make it illegal, they're still going to find ways to do it... and it won't be as safe or clean.), I respect your views. Everyone has opinions, and if I wasn’t mature enough to listen to what you believe (or anyone else), then I wouldn’t expect anyone to respect mine.
You know?
But, I still have to say that nothing, not a picture or words, would be able to sway my views on this matter.
Honestly, just because a fetus has a heartbeat around, say 5 weeks maybe, doesn’t mean much to me. Pigs, chickens, cows, dogs, and so on, all have heartbeats, but few people find anything wrong with killing them. I know, “humans are so much different than animals”, and I’m not some crazy animal-hugger, but think about it for a moment. Just because it’s a human fetus doesn’t mean that “killing” it is any worse than killing an animal; as you said, "death is death". It feels no pain (fetus) and has no recognition of what’s going on. There’s no point in bringing an unwanted child into this world we’re in today, where it’s only going to most likely be mistreated. Some pro-lifers are all against animal rights, yet they protest abortion with their last breath.
Another thing that kind of pisses me off is when men are extreme abortion disputers (no offense to you), yet they’re not the ones pregnant. Deciding whether or not to abort a baby is, when it all comes down to it, the woman’s choice… not the man’s. It may be his child, or his nephew, or some such thing, but he isn’t the one who’s giving birth to it.
But, these are all just my opinions, and I’m not expecting nor trying to change anyone’s views.

By the way, I do like the poem. It’s honest, and it’s about something you believe, thus it’s good. Poetry is about the heart, the emotions, and the experiences… no matter what anyone else says.

P.s. If I offended anyone, feel free to come and personally [censored] at me. I really don’t mind or care honestly. If you don’t like my views, then that’s your problem, not mine. :)
| Posted on 2006-09-29 00:00:00 | by RealityTears | [ Reply to This ]

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