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    dots Submission Name: Happinessdots

    Author: chemberdan
    ASL Info:    26, female, Arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 68/122/43
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 745
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1101

       Parabola made the structure all come alive, because she is mucho mucho talented. I am really bad at organizing my thoughts.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Your things and my things
    are merging together.
    I'm forgetting what’s mine.
    The sight of familiar trees
    against a peculiar sky
    is a sharp reminder of this,
    and I wonder
    how can this not be great?
    Perhaps because it is forced
    and ever so messy.

    You come to me armed and in need
    “Do it for me,” you plead.
    Your words like crackers
    spray weightless
    in the air between us.
    I might reach for your hand
    if it wasn’t full of hate.
    In this realization I admit
    I only held onto you
    to keep my balance.

    Though your shock was apparent,
    you took your time in saying goodbye,
    hoping I would change my mind.
    You spoke of my future without you…
    It’s grim, you say,
    for I am naive and unprepared.
    I sigh in escape,
    “Well, how else can one learn their limits?”

    There are places in my mind
    that I cannot get to with you.
    It is buoyancy I cannot obtain.

    Submitted on 2006-07-26 02:48:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow. i love the flow of this and the way it moves from one stanza to the next, like a progression except it doesn't have any sort of time frame... if that makes sense. the title confuses me, what does happiness have to do with all of this? maybe i just can't see it :0)
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by girl | [ Reply to This ]
      You wrote this extremely well.
    you are absolutely not naive.
    love jess
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by parabola | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece actually kind of reminds me of the journal on your main page, about death. Death has always been hard to accept for one reason - it is the unknown. Even for those souls with devout faith, there is no certainty in death. We've built entire civilizations around the stories and themes we create to comfort ourselves against the vast enigma that is the "afterlife." We fight it endlessly, spending billions of dollars a year so that we might live one more day...just to know that we lived one more day.

    That's sort of the feeling I got here. You have one person who is scared...scared of change, of the unknown, of life without... And you have one person who says, "well, I'm not sure what's next, but I know THIS is not the path."

    In this way, this poem works as a tremendous analogy for organized religion and its attempts to both recruit and maintain members with it's assurance of both the knowledge of afterlife and the safety of belief. It becomes a shock, an attack almost, to organized religion when a member leaves knowing only that they must proceed alone.

    Not sure if this was your intent, but it was the first thing that struck me when I read it. I certainly hope I don't offend with any of my thoughts on organized religion, and can only say that faith is a beautiful thing when balanced with an inquisitive and peaceful mind. Hope all is well,

    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]

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