Description: no im not pregnant nor was i ever this just came to me along with other poems like it during this tough time i guess. enjoy
Just a Child -------------------------------------------
I had so many dreams
That I thought would come true
Until that one faitful day when I met you
You swept me off my feet
and acted like you were my prince charming
but then that one faitful day
when we went to far
and all my hopes and dreams went a far
once you had found out
about the secret inside of me
you went away
to a distant place
you wouldnt talk to me or return my calls
you just left my life
its been a few months since those days
and now i cant even show my face
this secret i'm carrying
is starting to show
because i let you in my life way to far
you wanted me to get rid of it
but it is a something
so i couldnt do it
it is a something that i will love
and care for
and if one day you want to see her
i will let you for a little while
but i wont let you ruin her life too
shes just a child
my hopes and my dreams
may now be gone
and life may be tough
but i will not let you in
to ruin things again
because she is my child
my love and my dreams
I really liked your poem, especially the beginning, the way you were telling the story and how everything started. The story was pretty clear and I liked that, though I'm not sure about the feelings of this person, first it seems hate but then it felt a little more sad.
"but i wont let you ruin her life too"
Anyways, I liked the combination of those emotions.
This was very nice. Though I felt hurt,agony,abandonedment, I also felt love and hope. Very nice. The flow was a bit off, but by the power of the wording it wasn't too noticable. I'm glad that this is just a poem though To be pregnant at so young of an age is very hard, I've been there. Guys, well, there guys. They don't really have any true feelings aside of lust that is. Great poem, I liked it alot. Keep up the fantastic work.
Sometimes writing about something you know nothing about from experience is a no-no, as you can come off as naive and even arrogant, but rarely; otherwise, being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes is part of what writing is about. In this case, I think you did a very good job. You need to do spell check, and I just have a few suggestions on your wording:
"but then that one fateful day when we went too far and all my hopes and dreams went afar"
That sounds a bit redundant, and the wording is a bit unsure, it doesn't sound quite right.
"then came that one fateful day when we went too far and all my hopes and dreams would soon be no more"
Just an example of how you could change it. I like "the secret inside of me" That seems to describe so perfectly what it would feel like to be young and secretly pregnant.
"but it is a something"
"but it is not just a thing it is a little person It is a person that I will love and care for so I couldn't do it"
I think the ending is beautiful; I only wish that it is an attitude that would come to more teen mothers, that even though their life has been ruined in the sense that they have no hope of living the life they dreamed, nevertheless the child is a blessing in itself, to bring the kind of love and happiness that makes it worthwhile; that had none of it happened, though they would still be able to pursue their dreams, the little living person that is so unique and real would never have existed.
Very good job, you covered the story of what so many teen mothers have gone through and will still go through.