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    dots Submission Name: Poisondots

    Author: babytinkerbelle
    ASL Info:    26/f/aus
    Elite Ratio:    5.25 - 310/209/42
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/I hate you
    Total Views: 945
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 678

       This is just something that I have had for a while, I wasn't going to share it but I thought that maybe some feed back would be good. This is one of the first ever poems I wrote so I know it is not very good. It's about how my ex used to try and control me with lies and fear but then one day I just had, had enough and it was my turn to make him fear me.
    Anyway comments would be great

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I felt the poison
    From the very start
    With each lie you told
    I found it difficult to breathe
    Your poison coursed through me
    You knew I wouldnít leave

    It didnít take long
    For the poison to work
    You killed my soul
    I couldnít walk out
    Your poison coursed through me
    I started to doubt

    Then something happened
    You didnít expect
    I started to fight
    I started to change
    I fought back

    The tables turned
    You had to answer to me
    But now I am stronger
    Canít you see
    The posion you fed
    Now works for me

    Submitted on 2006-07-26 19:49:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      the potency of love...its power and limitations.

    Definitely an empowering feeling.
    I like the rhyme scheme.
    It provides a sort of lymeric feel to it.

    nice write.
    | Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by googie | [ Reply to This ]
    I am truly glad you were able to fix this problem before it really started to wreck havoc on your life
    I know thru your writes and comments you are a very Loving person with a LOT of inner strength
    I Pray The Good Lord continues to Bless You and help you to move forward in life
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    | Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, turn around is a bit-h isn't it.

    Loved it!
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by junemarie | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like it and not just beacause im your sister but because i can really relate to it..thx for sharing it :)
    | Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      The third stanza kills this one for me. Uneven line numbers is usually fine, and I'm all for quirky meters. The problem I found was that considering the other three stanzas are have 6 lines-what constitutes the third having only 5. From the standpoint of the poem "I started to change" it can make a little more sense, but if you are going to mess with the stanza's for impact I think something more drastic is needed instead of just dropping a line.
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by Father | [ Reply to This ]

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