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Poison


Author: babytinkerbelle
ASL Info:    26/f/aus
Elite Ratio:    5.25 - 310 /209 /42
Words: 103
Class/Type: Poetry /I hate you
Total Views: 996
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 688



Description:


This is just something that I have had for a while, I wasn't going to share it but I thought that maybe some feed back would be good. This is one of the first ever poems I wrote so I know it is not very good. It's about how my ex used to try and control me with lies and fear but then one day I just had, had enough and it was my turn to make him fear me.
Anyway comments would be great


Poison



I felt the poison
From the very start
With each lie you told
I found it difficult to breathe
Your poison coursed through me
You knew I wouldn’t leave

It didn’t take long
For the poison to work
You killed my soul
I couldn’t walk out
Your poison coursed through me
I started to doubt

Then something happened
You didn’t expect
I started to fight
I started to change
I fought back

The tables turned
You had to answer to me
But now I am stronger
Can’t you see
The posion you fed
Now works for me




Submitted on 2006-07-26 19:49:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  the potency of love...its power and limitations.

Definitely an empowering feeling.
I like the rhyme scheme.
It provides a sort of lymeric feel to it.

nice write.
| Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by googie | [ Reply to This ]
  Tink
I am truly glad you were able to fix this problem before it really started to wreck havoc on your life
I know thru your writes and comments you are a very Loving person with a LOT of inner strength
I Pray The Good Lord continues to Bless You and help you to move forward in life
God Bless
Your Friend
Ron
| Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, turn around is a bit-h isn't it.

Loved it!
| Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by junemarie | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like it and not just beacause im your sister but because i can really relate to it..thx for sharing it :)
| Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
  The third stanza kills this one for me. Uneven line numbers is usually fine, and I'm all for quirky meters. The problem I found was that considering the other three stanzas are have 6 lines-what constitutes the third having only 5. From the standpoint of the poem "I started to change" it can make a little more sense, but if you are going to mess with the stanza's for impact I think something more drastic is needed instead of just dropping a line.
| Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by Father | [ Reply to This ]


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