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    dots Submission Name: Unvivid Realitydots

    Author: darkeveris
    ASL Info:    19/F/Someplace silent
    Elite Ratio:    2.52 - 34/62/38
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 917
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1279


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnvivid Realitydots

    Could I be the virus
    Underneath you're skin
    Could I be the plage
    Filling you with sin

    Could I be the lost
    In a game of corruption
    Could I be seed
    To your distruction

    Could I be the fuel
    To you're lucid rage
    Could I be kepper
    To you're souls cage

    Could I be the fire
    Melting you're mold
    Could I be the one
    To feel you're hold

    Could I be taciturn
    Listning to screams
    Could I be shatterd
    Like you're dreams

    Could I be the reaper
    To taint you're heart
    Could I be the killer
    Using poison darts

    Or could I be you
    Infecting myself
    Or could I be you
    Obstructing my health

    Or could I be the picture
    Of all the lies we clutch..
    Or could I be the imaginaion
    We are obsessed to touch.

    Could we be the fantasy
    Of some on elses mind
    Could be we the children
    Who were left behind

    Could we be living...
    Could we even be real...
    Could we be lost...
    Why can't we heal...
    Why can't we heal...

    Submitted on 2006-07-27 13:17:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    The the rhyming was a great touch, it took nothing away i think. It added to the flow of it all. The questions you were asking and the concepts you touched on were really interesting

    "Or could I be the picture
    Of all the lies we clutch..
    Or could I be the imaginaion
    We are obsessed to touch."

    Nice read
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]
      Holy Shit.. I love this one. I feel it in all its textarity(?).. Damn.. i like how it ends too.. "Why can't we heal".. I'll agree with Allen that at a few parts the feeling gets a little lost, but i don't think its from lack of proper spelling or nothing.. it just moves from you to people? as a whole in some parts.. which i do like tho.. idk.. anyways.. good [censored] poem, and real emotional.. l8ta

    | Posted on 2006-07-27 00:00:00 | by medicated | [ Reply to This ]
      I really do like the idea that you are aiming at in this piece, but you've slightly missed the mark to be honest and open. In some aspects of this piece I can see your heart, but in other aspects it seems to be thrown together lacking proper spelling and question marks, but continue working on this I think it is a very good idea.
    | Posted on 2006-07-27 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]

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