It was okay, I did like the over-all idea and words of it, but something was definitely missing here for me. Maybe you could try to work on it a bit more, add a bit more character to it. I just felt like you simply wrote this, with no emotion or anything. Try to add something a bit more personal into it. I got that there was some feeling in this, sure, but it's like there wasn't enough in here to get your point across but at the same time allow the reader to relate and say "wow!". When you just kept saying walking, walking walking...crying...etc, to me it was like you had nothing better to say. Try to work on this, I know it has potential.