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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dialoguedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 790
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1201



    Description:
       *push the boundaries
    push the boundaries
    the world may follow
    you someday*

    Despite the obvious reference to spiritual awareness, this has more to do with those who value opinion above facts regardless of the evidence. Bon apetit.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDialoguedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I. Lost Gospel Blues

    I'm certain there's some
    merit to tasered children...

    if this incurable sadness
    hadn't nipped at my heels,
    my bloated soul might lie
    in silk, rather than
    in an alley shrieking
    as the DT's made real
    imagined and
    imagined fact

    ...I'd like another sip
    of that fine brew
    the glorious bitterness
    takes me back
    to the fled nest
    and forsaken forest;
    I'll cling to that mystery
    like a sustaining rail


    II. Cyclysm

    I believe hidden beneath
    the track lighting
    of your soul
    there exists some
    nebulous philosophy;
    an animal fear in
    an armani shell,
    committed to the wind
    like a leafy stream

    Based on the odds
    of that slim prediction
    it's more than likely
    I'll take a nap
    near that paradigm;
    like a fearless farmhand
    among half framed labors
    have some camembert, mon ami
    and a fine white, whine








    Submitted on 2006-07-27 18:31:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed this peace. Very nice. I see someone trying to grasp something beyond them, than...deciding it's better to take a nap ;)

    Good poem, I like your flow, even without rhyming you managed to make it flow. And the parts reminded me of a progressive song :D So something... epic is in order ;)

    -- Jason Clement
    | Posted on 2006-08-05 00:00:00 | by Jason_Clement | [ Reply to This ]
      I. in the confines of one's own soul that has not been killed by drink
    but just relaxed enough to see truth, the truth of this sequence lies; maybe there is more truth there in the confines of self examination than in the..

    II. place where the soul needs track lighting, or maybe where it harks out of music machines, I hear dead souls all over town, bumping out woofers in magni force from their cars..

    listening is a s fine art form

    because the fact is no one listens to what speaks inside of us
    or perhaps we'll take the numbing effect of complacency

    but you don't, and that is why I keep coming back to read,

    take care, mon ami

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      heyy cool stuff!!
    I loved the opening lines. It reminds me of... well, there was that thing in the news about tasering children, yes, but... there's that "treatise on why we should eat children" or something, by jonathan swift? Ever read it? It was something really preposterous, in a serious format... anyway... I had to do a file search of my subconscious as to the definition of DTs, but I *think* (therefore, I am?) it's what you get when you're alcoholic-- trembly? I thought these two poems were good- I found "Lost Gospel Blues" a lot easier to understand... and the point you were making- well, I guess I'm no genius to say this, seeing as your description says the same thing-- clinging to what is familiar rather than what is right.
    I'd like another sip
    of that fine brew
    the glorious bitterness
    takes me back
    to the fled nest
    and forsaken forest
    This part I probably like the best, but then, I'm a sucker for "the good old days" stuff, especially if it's laced with arsenic.. hehe.

    I think in the second poem you should capitalize Armani, because, well, I'm sure that good old Giorgio would feel used and dehumanized if you left him bereft of his proper-noun-osity.
    I like these two lines a lot:
    I'll take a nap
    near that paradigm;
    It's very incisive, and satirical and it shows like, an inability to commit oneself to an idea-- reminds me of a lazy person's politics: "I guess if the party of my liking says it's so, it's so."
    I don't know what this "camembert" is that you speak of, but then, I've never been accused of being very classy and it sounds fancy (noting the conjunction with "a fine white, whine" hahahahahahaa... love that)
    I liked this series of poems, although it sounds less like a dialogue than a bitter exposure of the hypocrisy/apathy that.... er.... plagues society or something.
    | Posted on 2006-07-28 00:00:00 | by Kristen Gudsnuk | [ Reply to This ]
      Again, I always enjoy your words (I'm a word lover.) They are never overused or cliché unless you use clichés to be satirical (which is not the same at all.) Gosh, I'm nonsensical today. What I'm getting at is that you're always so original, BIll.

    I like that in this you take the trivial or whitewashed facts to showcase harsh reality.... Does that make sense? Here's an example:

    I believe hidden beneath
    the track lighting
    of your soul
    there exists some
    nebulous philosophy

    the track lighting of your soul... see, the use of track lighting makes the soul sound whitewashed and trivial... shallow, but here you/we believe that there is more. Same thing with the silk vs. the alley. The silk is so soft and cushy (easy on our sensitive skin) but you go and remind us of the reality behind it (the alley.) You make us want to look deeper into things. Somehow, this feels like a political rally for people that want the truth, like you are bolstering the masses of people who've only a vague idea of the truth. It felt almost like a call to action for those of us blinded by flashbulbs of vaguely true headlines.

    Anyway, this is good stuff. I'm just a rambling moron today and can't seem to make sense of my thoughts.
    Jessica
    | Posted on 2006-07-28 00:00:00 | by parabola | [ Reply to This ]
      Marvelous. Your flow is absolutley spot on. A lot of people could learn from your style, and application of obscure meters and free rhyme.

    My only suggestion is that it might of gave more cohesion if you kept that same type orginization used in the "Lost Gospel Section" for the "Cyclysm" section. Doesn't really take anything away- but maybe you could add some more good lines.

    I really enjoyed this-I will be favoriting it. I hope it is not to much to ask for you to look at some of my poems and give me some feedback-I would be very much honored cause you seem to have a very respectable grasp on poetry.

    Cheers,

    Father
    | Posted on 2006-07-27 00:00:00 | by Father | [ Reply to This ]


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