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Meditation in Dance


Author: Aetha Daemon
Elite Ratio:    6.81 - 91 /56 /29
Words: 154
Class/Type: Prose /Misc
Total Views: 949
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 935



Description:


This is the revised version, thanks to Phoenix!


Meditation in Dance



Meditation Ballad

A light of lights, a moon of moons.
A babbling brook laughs spring into life.
And you dance, a nymph, a god in white
and twined in shadowy twilight thin and lithe.
Your twirling feet of clouds become blurs of grace and beauty,
spinning death and day with night and life.
A whirling mist sets upon the green green hill,
where the sun rests her head to watch a moon play.
The mist slides through your grove of lilies,
where things begin and start again.
The grove to seek lies east of consciousness,
west of imagination, south of the heart and north of the sun;
and only may you tread there with clean feet, light as air,
with vibrant life and cold night mind.
To tread beneath the rowan and yew and birch,
the sacred ones who watch, is to dance
and twirl with the artist, who made them all.




Submitted on 2006-07-28 02:30:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  if i could go any where and do anything, its what u have just showed. is it coincidence, i crossing this, or do numbers of people dream of the bliss which can not be a permanat escape? i imagin heven being like that. richer though...
| Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by Gwenith Louise | [ Reply to This ]
  Now, it is beautiful, i never knew how great a differnce form can cause to a poem. see now this is what i liked

And you dance, a nymph, a god in white

Your twirling feet of clouds become blurs of grace and beauty

where the sun rests her head to watch a moon play

infact i cd paste the entire poem here. i say this is better, so much better.
| Posted on 2006-07-28 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with nevender, I think you would be better off changing the format instead of having it in a paragraph, because then it does (again, as nevender said) look more like prose than a poem (even though you have it listed as "deep thoughts"). Try splitting it up something like this:

A light of lights, a moon of moons.
A babbling brook laughs spring into life.
And you dance, a nymph, a god in white
and twined in shadowy twilight thin and lithe.
Your twirling feet of clouds become blurs of grace and beauty,
spinning death and day with night and life.
A whirling mist sets upon the green green hill,
where the sun rests her head to watch a moon play.
The mist slides through your grove of lilies,
where things begin and start again.
The grove to seek lies east of consciousness,
west of imagination, south of the heart and north of the sun;
and only may you tread there with clean feet, light as air,
with vibrant life and cold night mind.
To tread beneath the rowan and yew and birch,
the sacred ones who watch, is to dance
and twirl with the artist, who made them all.

Or something along those lines. It may prove easier to read. Overall, you have beautiful imagery, and this is really peaceful and soothing. If you work on the format, you would definitely have a great poem on your hands. ...bb...

Tay ~~
| Posted on 2006-07-28 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
  Okay, i got confused a bit. Compact poetry is no good, it looks to me like it is a piece of prose and oh, how prose numbs me to reading. i however see you are much read, i infact think this is a song of praise?! or is it?
| Posted on 2006-07-28 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]


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