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    dots Submission Name: Welcoming The Lonelinessdots

    Author: coyote
    ASL Info:    57/Male/Nevada
    Elite Ratio:    4.57 - 71/56/28
    Words: 183
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 880
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1132

       When society fails you, or you fail society, non-existence is the next step.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWelcoming The Lonelinessdots

    The moonlight trails I walk now fade behind me...
    so many paths I've never trod before.
    Still, they seem to greet me like old friends,
    and without them I'd be a lonely man.

    Empty spaces the never felt a foot-fall,
    but empty lands are such that I have sought.
    No patch of green or blue of pond to draw an eye,
    and I welcome the solitude in which to wander.

    In daylight, shadow comes from scrub brush canopies,
    and coffee in the evening is the daily prayer.
    Dead sleep from noon time heat revives the soul,
    but the night time breezes bring the memories again.

    Old memories that have kept me in the past...
    and walls as large as fear still hold me in.
    Avoiding human contact and existing in my prison,
    becoming one more fugitive not wanted anywhere.

    So on I trod, to lose the feelings that vex me...
    I take the sharp and twisting turns to shake them loose.
    But nothing makes this curse of mine stay put,
    and tonight I'll wander over one more fading trail.

    Submitted on 2006-07-28 14:09:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||

    becoming one more fugitive not wanted anywhere.

    The mystic poet Hafiz write to no surrender your loneliness too soon.

    There are great lessons in that place.

    I enjoyed this very much.

    | Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      This is nicely done. I love "becoming one more fugitive not wanted anywhere." I guess I like it because unwanted fugitive is a delicious oxymoron. For some reason, I think anymore might be better than anymore though, but I like it either way (and feel free to disregard anything I say) . I know everyone has felt similarly. I think "scrub brush canopies" sounds funny since "scrub brushes" could mean brushes you use to clean the toilet or bathtub as opposed to bracken or whatever. I think you could omit one word or the other since scrub and brush mean the same thing in this. You also might want to say tread in "So on I trod, to lose the feelings that vex me... "because it's in present tense, and trod is past tense. Better yet, maybe you could use another verb since you said trod earlier. I'm also not sure you need the ellipses, but that's your call.

    I hope all is well,
    | Posted on 2006-08-02 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very depictive and had this over-all sense of an eternity of lonliness. Which is very sad, because even I sometimes feel like that, like I'll never find a peaceful place where I can be happy.
    This poem also brought me images of the lone wolf, the wanderer who has no place to go. This was very good, keep it up.

    | Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]

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