Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Togetherdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Lyrics/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 559
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1180



    Description:
       i wrote this song for a guy named chris. i've talked about him a lot on this site. i really love him. i hope he remembers me. i kmnow that me and him will never be together and this piecr is jusst a way of admitting it to myself.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTogetherdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm sitting here
    Looking out the window
    With you here
    On my mind
    I'm looking down
    At the empty pillow
    Knowing I
    Will never find out



    if we could be
    together
    just you and me
    together
    we'll never be
    together
    forever
    together


    I'm waiting for
    You to sit beside me
    Thinking how
    We'll never be
    I'm longing for
    Your warm embrace
    My mind is blank
    Yet wandering


    if we could be
    together
    just you and me
    together
    we'll never be
    together
    forever
    together


    I write these words
    For you to read
    I sing this song
    For you to hear
    I'll stand by you
    If you will let me
    I'd wipe your eyes
    I'd ease your fears


    if we could be
    together
    just you and me
    together
    we'll never be
    together
    forever
    together


    *end*




    Submitted on 2006-07-28 16:26:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The flow of your poetry is very cool, I enjoyed the repetition, where it could have gotten old it just flowed beautifully with the story you were telling, the repeating stanza makes me think of this like song lyrics, I think it could potentially translate well into that arena, keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2006-07-28 00:00:00 | by lynn marsters | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    112461

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Summer written by layDsayD
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Push written by JanePlane
    Linger written by saartha
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    To written by SavedDragon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry