Description: I thought of this last night, wrote it down in 5 minutes. I intended this to be something completely else, but when I wrote down my first line, along came a melody, which didnt fit at all whit what I was going to write.
To get into the proper mood: it's meant to be a slow and sad song..
My inspiriation for this is my oldest friend Deborah, where I used to have alot of fun with. We've grown apart a little, but not too much.
feel free to comment as you like, nitpick, bash it, whatever, as long as you stay honest.
- I know I've written better pieces
Along the shores -------------------------------------------
Along the shores we ran,
nothing to hold us back.
Hairs in the wind feel the blow
a time I won’t regret...
So long ago, I know.
I won’t forget
those times we had,
they’re safe inside my head,
it’s long ago, I know,
but I, I won’t forget.
Along the streets we ran,
guilty of mischief again.
Hide together stifled laughter
a time I know we had...
So long ago, I know.
I won’t forget
those times we had,
I wish they had never left.
It’s long ago, I know,
I loved this because of how reflective it was of a feeling I know all so well. Love that existed should always be remembered, because if it meant something then, it should mean something now. It's not something as strong as living in the past... its remembering a significant part of your life... so as to make sure it stays important to you. The writing described it perfectly, those brief moments of love, that become only memories.
This is actually quite a good poem. Nicely understated with a superb use of repetition throughout. (Note: in line 3 it should be "hair's" not "hairs".) A really excellent poem... bravo... bravo... bravo ...
That's really good. i think I know exactly what your going thro. It seems like for the longest time I just wanted someone to write something so true and knowing about what I feel and I think this hit it on the nail. Thank you. When I read this something in me went to peace. I t comed my ocean. Thank you. Please keep writing. I think it keeps me sane. Thank you.
Very nice lyrics. I know it's meant to be a slow and sad song but it can be a fast,sad song too. Screamo. Anywayz i like it. Thanks for the constructive poem, i'll keep in mind your hints but im not going to change this version.
I think this is a very sweet poem. It made me smile as I read it but also made me a little sad too. I know this feeling you speak of here and not being able to forget the good times you spent with friends. Life has a funny way of changing as the time goes by and often the people you had a wonderful friendship with get pulled in different directions and you end up losing touch with them over time. I had many friends when I was younger that at the time I thought would be close to me my whole life. But then that thing called life stepped in and circumstances changed for one reason or another and we lost touch. It does indeed suck and it is hard but then you find you meet new people and develop new friendships that somehow fill that void. Of course you will always have those best friends that no matter what you dont forget and nobody else seems to fit their place. This is a good poem full of feelings and it allows the reader to reflect on their own experiences as well. Nice job.
great peice. No tune that I could really think of. It seemed childish in the main body, but each of the single liners brings it back to today, not keeping it in nostalga, so well done there. I liked the style, but I think it could have somehow changed some of the lines. None of the repitition is forced enough to stick anywhere, so i think you might change that. Wishing for more ~Brian
hello my friend. your writing skills far surpass your age! this is very touching and yet very intelligently penned. as i read it, it remined me of memories i had of "friend's of yesterday" as i call them. thus, these lyrics are also emotionally thought-provoking! even though it's sad, it left me smiling at the end...because all good memories are kept in the safest place of all...the mind! very good jann...i look forward to reading more from you!!
Janneke This is really beautiful I can feel the Love you share for this person and I find it quite comforting myself to go back in time in my head to positive memories as these good memories always carry over and keep you happy in the present so you may move forward in life The flow of this is excellent I read this to myself 3 times and each time with a different melody and in each version this flowed well Excellent Job!!! God Bless Ron
Well, this was pretty good. It has a fantastic tone to it. I love the way that it moves from one memory to the next in a reminiscing, hushed manner, as if you were telling important secrets.
That ^ is what I DO like.
What I found--off--was the way that it read. You use repetetive phrases and words, but you don't stick to a structure for those things, like 'I won't forget' lines are always in different spots. I found this slightly disorienting. That was all that I found, and it only took away from the aesthetics of the poem. The poem [words] themselves were supreme!
I admire the theme of holding on to memories and all, but I felt that your piece was a little repetive in the won't forget part, and that the melody was not concrete. I guess I have to hear you sing it to get what feel you are going for, because slow and sad was to vague for me. The wording itself, was pretty good. I think that maybe adding more details to the memories will make tthis song stand out. All in all, good work, but could be better.