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    dots Submission Name: A Game Called Murderdots

    Author: Soph
    ASL Info:    21/f/where I'm loved
    Elite Ratio:    2.42 - 55/54/13
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 845
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 764

       A book I read inspired this. My friend said it was no good, so 'm thinking I need a second opinion.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Game Called Murderdots

    All in white
    She stands alone
    Afraid of the moonlight
    She lets out a moan

    He pushed me!
    Is her last thought
    She falls for the money
    Her killer, with her life, has brought

    She had the money
    She had the life
    Her life was sunny
    Never would she be a wife

    Her life had ended
    Before it could be begun
    She lay in the courtyard, bended
    A game for some that’s fun

    Her sister wants answers
    Her fiancé has no clue
    Both parry as swift as dancers
    Their words try to undo

    A life taken
    Cruelly and without a chance
    Why have you forsaken
    A woman who only wanted to dance?

    Submitted on 2006-07-29 14:20:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Oh look somebody's dead.
    A good mystery is always better in a poem than a novel, save for Agatha Christie :)
    Made quite a bit of sense this one, I have a feeling she killed herself. Could be just me.
    Thank you for the lovely read.
    | Posted on 2006-11-27 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      hey thats an real cool poem u know i like it,
    so many thoughts i wish i could write thats how u made me feel like writting, anyway enjoyed your poem keep writting I will always read,ty
    | Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by ty | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you have a strong base but could also take a little time to make your rhyming seem less forced.

    You show with this that your able to write really well and that you wish to, but dont push that extra bit out of yourself to do so.

    Keep working at it and I know great things will come of it.
    | Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent Job Soph!!!
    This write carries an incredible amount of emotion
    I absolutely Loved the last line it was perfect for this write
    God Bless

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Nooo. Someone died. :| xD

    Good poem. Flowed nice, easy read. And don't change it to a story :o xD

    -- Jason Clement
    | Posted on 2006-08-06 00:00:00 | by Jason_Clement | [ Reply to This ]
      This was pretty good, but I do think it could use some slight work. If anything you could just make this into a short story, or in paragraph form, that might help it, but that's just me, lol. Keep the pen to paper and good luck!

    | Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the title! And the first stanza gave me goosebumps (the good kind). I reeaaally liked the whole thing, especially the way you ended it, it was lovely. The only thing I found strange was the second stanza, but I didn't dwell on it becuase I thought everything was great! Keep up the very good work :)

    | Posted on 2006-07-31 00:00:00 | by BlueHeart | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, offly sad. I mean she's...dead. But the title was great, and you caught me as soon as you started.

    I wanted to tell you that this was a great poem and I hoped to know who killed her.

    ()_() Twisted
    | Posted on 2006-09-16 00:00:00 | by Twisted | [ Reply to This ]

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