[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Our Favorite Dancedots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1008
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 263


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOur Favorite Dancedots

    After making love
    we take to making war.
    Words fly like bombs between us.
    The guilt overwhelms,
    but consoling each other
    leads to making love again,
    and we bask in the beauty
    of our favorite dance.

    Submitted on 2004-05-18 04:09:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wonderful treatment of a too true and true common phenomenon. Even if not in a clasic love-hate relationship, every one has experienced this to some degree---and we always wonder why ?? WHY??--do we have to have the battle, to enjoy the peace-making later. It's what love and life are about perhaps. Silver
    | Posted on 2004-06-04 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      True to life and well written. Just one line I think doesn't really fit, too mundane and does not really get the image across, maybe because you have not experienced real explosive power? Its too long too, I think. Try changing "Words fly like bombs between us" to high explosive exchanges flaring or flung or something similar. Maybe even bludgeoning each other with blunt words. Oi, I don't know, whatever you feel fits best... Good one.
    | Posted on 2004-05-20 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      what a crazy cycle! i can sort of relate, but i gave up on relationships like that long ago. more trouble than love, i say. fight-and-[censored] relationships. you put it together swiftly and short, probably like these kinda relationships!
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This one's slightly different from other poems of yours I've read. Maybe there's some storytelling bit in it whilst usually, you focus on sharp emotional moments. Either way, both are very enjoyable. Cheers.
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by the apocrypha | [ Reply to This ]
      i love how you symbloized love making to dancing, i never really realized that love making could be like a dance, but after i read this i realized that it can... it was short and beauiful, i also liked how you symbolized arguing as a war, simply well written adn beautiful, great write!
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by gigglygirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Well well, we all know whats on YOUR mind, eh? ::nudge nudge:: naw, Just kiding ya, this is wonderfully done, i love the descriptivness of it, you can see whats happening, (That may or may ot be a good thing, depending on your point of veiw) ALl I know is that it present good imagry, and the flow is wonderful,. Excellent m'lady Dumplin! ~Sicobe R. Crow
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by Crow | [ Reply to This ]
      I've heard of people who thrive on arguments merely for the make-up sex afterwards. Can't say that I've done it myself, but I liked this a lot..
    I kept getting an image of the CND posters saying "Make War = Have Sex!"

    Because of the first two lines.. they caught me!
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      when i first clicked on the title i was expecting a dashboard confessional type piece (brilliant dance style) but this piece is surprisingly different. i really like the juxtaposition of making love and war. Very ironic. This is an amazing write but I wish you'd elaborated more!!!
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by summerskiss | [ Reply to This ]
      'And they kissed and beat each other...'
    I know such love-hate-relationships. but they're still together. anyway it's a really good poem, but I agree with nicelyJ you could make the last line more powerful. I'm lost for a suggestion cause I just woke up but I'm sure you will find something.
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      That is a crazy cycle. I have been there before. Maybe you could replace that last line with a line about dancing in circles. Definately a good concept. I know you like short and sweet, I do too, but I think you can play with this one a bit more. I hope you still love me in the morning
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      The dance between love and war?
    That's something I never thought of before. I really liked the use of the word dance here. It's like seeing things in a whole new light. Nice write.
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Incubus written by monad
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Genesis written by saartha
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    This written by Chelebel
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]