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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Our Favorite Dancedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 942
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 263



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOur Favorite Dancedots
    -------------------------------------------


    After making love
    we take to making war.
    Words fly like bombs between us.
    The guilt overwhelms,
    but consoling each other
    leads to making love again,
    and we bask in the beauty
    of our favorite dance.





    Submitted on 2004-05-18 04:09:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wonderful treatment of a too true and true common phenomenon. Even if not in a clasic love-hate relationship, every one has experienced this to some degree---and we always wonder why ?? WHY??--do we have to have the battle, to enjoy the peace-making later. It's what love and life are about perhaps. Silver
    | Posted on 2004-06-04 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      True to life and well written. Just one line I think doesn't really fit, too mundane and does not really get the image across, maybe because you have not experienced real explosive power? Its too long too, I think. Try changing "Words fly like bombs between us" to high explosive exchanges flaring or flung or something similar. Maybe even bludgeoning each other with blunt words. Oi, I don't know, whatever you feel fits best... Good one.
    | Posted on 2004-05-20 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      what a crazy cycle! i can sort of relate, but i gave up on relationships like that long ago. more trouble than love, i say. fight-and-[censored] relationships. you put it together swiftly and short, probably like these kinda relationships!
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This one's slightly different from other poems of yours I've read. Maybe there's some storytelling bit in it whilst usually, you focus on sharp emotional moments. Either way, both are very enjoyable. Cheers.
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by the apocrypha | [ Reply to This ]
      i love how you symbloized love making to dancing, i never really realized that love making could be like a dance, but after i read this i realized that it can... it was short and beauiful, i also liked how you symbolized arguing as a war, simply well written adn beautiful, great write!
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by gigglygirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Well well, we all know whats on YOUR mind, eh? ::nudge nudge:: naw, Just kiding ya, this is wonderfully done, i love the descriptivness of it, you can see whats happening, (That may or may ot be a good thing, depending on your point of veiw) ALl I know is that it present good imagry, and the flow is wonderful,. Excellent m'lady Dumplin! ~Sicobe R. Crow
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by Crow | [ Reply to This ]
      I've heard of people who thrive on arguments merely for the make-up sex afterwards. Can't say that I've done it myself, but I liked this a lot..
    I kept getting an image of the CND posters saying "Make War = Have Sex!"

    Because of the first two lines.. they caught me!
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      when i first clicked on the title i was expecting a dashboard confessional type piece (brilliant dance style) but this piece is surprisingly different. i really like the juxtaposition of making love and war. Very ironic. This is an amazing write but I wish you'd elaborated more!!!
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by summerskiss | [ Reply to This ]
      'And they kissed and beat each other...'
    I know such love-hate-relationships. but they're still together. anyway it's a really good poem, but I agree with nicelyJ you could make the last line more powerful. I'm lost for a suggestion cause I just woke up but I'm sure you will find something.
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      That is a crazy cycle. I have been there before. Maybe you could replace that last line with a line about dancing in circles. Definately a good concept. I know you like short and sweet, I do too, but I think you can play with this one a bit more. I hope you still love me in the morning
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      The dance between love and war?
    That's something I never thought of before. I really liked the use of the word dance here. It's like seeing things in a whole new light. Nice write.
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]


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