Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rummaging and Reminiscingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 791
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1336



    Description:
        These are three pieces that are related only in that they were written simultaneously by flipping back and forth between pages.

    They represent the complexity of feelings that we hold. They seem to be drawn from the same well but have very different tastes.

    I think sharing them together allows the reader to see the reflection of each one in the other. The idea is that all three can be present at the same time without conflict. The title Rummaging and Reminiscing fits the first piece, but also the nature of the three as a collection The second two are examples of what might be found in the shoebox.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRummaging and Reminiscingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rummaging and Reminiscing

    Rummaging and reminiscing
    through shoebox memories
    she recalled love coming
    like a photographer's flash;
    Brightness captured a smile
    then left her in shadows.
    Faded pictures remain
    bound by silver ribbons
    with letters and cards
    of deep but fleeting passion.
    They are easy to toss
    but impossible to release.
    On more than one occasion
    she's pulled them from the trash.
    Hope lives between these lines.
    Having been loved before,
    perhaps she can repeat it.
    Every grand miracle
    deserves a reprise.


    One Love
    (My love is a chorus in search of a verse)

    One Love
    Pure Love
    Real Love
    Your love
    In love
    True love
    Hot love
    New love



    Love Colors

    Your love colors me like
    the effects of the sun setting
    and setting the clouds on fire
    or turning the plum purple to blue
    as it yawns and stretches into day






    Submitted on 2006-07-30 03:56:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh I could not resist taking a look at this one first, having seen there was a revision. All three of these could stand alone with no guesswork. and each is quite good, however, I want to see what lends grace between them.

    In the spaces, where does you mind go?

    Because I think that is the key to the form of this poem. I love the images in the first one, photos.. if only we could keep the past, but we can't.

    and really, I should stop and go see the next version, but this is lovely work, Chrys, goes straight to the heart

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      This is such a good poem, and I really love how you decided to write two other poems in relation to the first one, but I had to really read it a couple of times so I could feel like I understood it. This is such a nostalgic poem, and I love the lines, "she recalled love coming/
    like a photographer's flash", and me being the visual that I am could see the memories flashing by like pictures in a scrapbook, or a slideshow. The second poem seemed like it was going back deeper to the times when the love was real and strong and not just a memory of times gone, and then because the fact that you wrote new love, it seemed like the second poem melts into the first one, describe when she had first fallen in love with him, but it's like you have to keep in mind that the sun always sets, but comes back, but it never sets in the exact same way or same color. Anyways, this was just glorious, Chrystine, I really loved it.
    Walk in Love and Light,
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      *good
    | Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by the nerdbomb | [ Reply to This ]
      i can't really decide which one i like more. "Rummaging..." or "Love Colors". i think i like love colors more. i just love it when people aren't afraid to stick w/ just a few lines instead of bringing down a genuinly god poem by adding some unnecessary lines to it just so it will be longer. i'm glad you kept it at that length.

    another thing, about "One Love" are all of the different prefixes of the word love, are they describing the different kinds that you have expierenced[sp?] or is it something different. i have to admit i was a little confused.

    -kiddow :D
    | Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by the nerdbomb | [ Reply to This ]
      i was thinking about.. what if you somehow
    put the other two poems after

    Hope lives between these lines....

    weave them in and out into the first poem..
    just a thought. for some reason i see it that way, but it's your work, so i'm just relating my
    thoughts... it's a beautiful and wistful piece,
    don't get me wrong.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't usually read the other comments before i comment, but i read sierramuse and tend to agree about using "i." i know somewhere i read not to use "i" in poems, but i think with this one it would make it more personal. i love the rummaging and reminiscing, for i've been there and put myself back in that place while i read your poem.. i wrote something similar about memories in a box, laid on a shelf for safekeeping.. taking it out when i felt ready to relive those memories..

    i love "shoebox memories." i love the hope that lives between the lines, realizing that love can come again.

    Every grand miracle
    deserves a reprise.

    a wonderful ending.. we often think we will never love like this again, but the miracle of love lives inside of us all, and the reprise can be sweeter and deeper..

    just my opinion, but the first stands on its own. perhaps there is a way to incorporate the other two into the first one to make it all one.. just an idea.
    as you are "rummaging and remiscing" you find these memories and open them one by one..

    excellent work, Chrystine. this has a wistful feel, a bit sad but garnished with hope of new love.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      these are all very cool but I would suggest that you stop writing about her and become her. she leaves us unconnected. if you put yourself in the poem, then we would share it more intimately I think. if you don't want to use 'I' you could use a name, any name. Or you could leave out pronouns altogether.

    Rummaging and reminiscing
    through shoe box memories
    recalled love coming
    like a photographer's flash:
    Brightness captured a smile
    then faded to shadows.

    just an idea. It may be just me but I have never liked she poems. they seem obviously about the writer and look like that person does not want to admit their feelings. no offense. the detachment is better represented by eliminating the pronoun.

    still, they're very good poems. I like the little one love one the best.
    | Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is a great description of love. What makes it more interesting is that there are three poems that, in my opinion, form a complete (or almost complete ) description of love. These three poems, even though they have different structures, seem to be one...

    Loved reading it,
    Sad Lion
    | Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by Sad Lion | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved the first one the most. But all 3 were great. I loved the way you took the reader on a merry go round of feelings and images. The flow was just wonderful to say it was a combined work. Perfect in explaining how the mind woks and how the heart reacts. This is a fav also.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    112682

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry