Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mourning for Motherdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/160
    Words: 201
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 877
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1386



    Description:
       Okay...never thought it would take 30 years to get round to mourning my mother's death! My inner child is in grieving.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMourning for Motherdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Today I am the thunderous sky
    I'm raining into streaky rivers
    and pooling in my own misery
    as sadness clouds my heart
    and makes my limbs heavy.

    Running away is no longer an option
    for I saw her in all her glory
    traumatic reactions to her threatened world
    made my honesty stumble.
    Safety; survival; takes a higher criteria
    to a child whose mother abandoned her for death.

    Mother's arms were always safe
    and then mother's arms were gone.
    Almost three and her world was shattered.
    Almost three my soul was scattered and silenced.
    All the way from 33 to nearly 3
    to find me.

    To find me...

    Scared
    Unsafe
    Insecure
    and always looking
    to regain that which was lost.

    At nearly 3
    I learned that safety can evapourate
    like a smear of condescensation from a window pane.
    There was such pain buried in me.
    Such a loss creates
    Such a need
    Such a need creates
    Such limiting beliefs in a small childs head
    Such limiting beliefs run
    Such desparate behaviours
    Such desparate behaviours create
    Such havoc in my life.

    Have many layers of an onion must I peel
    before the tears stop?




    Submitted on 2006-07-30 08:35:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      it is hard to critique such a raw and painful write as this. losing your mother at the age of 3 must have been devastating, and to re-live it now, 30 years later, must be extremely painful.

    your opening lines allow us to feel that heaviness and sadness in your heart as you speak of the thunderous sky and the weight of the rain that pools into your heart and makes your limbs heavy with grief.

    we always have to go through the pain to get to the other side where the rainbow lies and healing happens. i wish for you peace in your heart..

    love,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree that it's hard to critique something like this. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a mother when you were so young. It had to be really hard. I loved the closing line. I think the next to last stanza conveys the confusing emotions quite well. You opening is also very eloquent. This is very well done.

    Hugs,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2006-08-03 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    112690

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bam Bam / Bre-anna written by Daniel Barlow
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    "other people don't get that" written by Daniel Barlow
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Bam (Awash). written by Daniel Barlow
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Instances written by hyproglo
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Saying it to you with some gangsta shit written by Daniel Barlow
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Legends written by poetotoe
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Benediction written by Daniel Barlow
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    an explanation of how i was not good written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry