Description: Okay...never thought it would take 30 years to get round to mourning my mother's death! My inner child is in grieving.
Mourning for Mother -------------------------------------------
Today I am the thunderous sky
I'm raining into streaky rivers
and pooling in my own misery
as sadness clouds my heart
and makes my limbs heavy.
Running away is no longer an option
for I saw her in all her glory
traumatic reactions to her threatened world
made my honesty stumble.
Safety; survival; takes a higher criteria
to a child whose mother abandoned her for death.
Mother's arms were always safe
and then mother's arms were gone.
Almost three and her world was shattered.
Almost three my soul was scattered and silenced.
All the way from 33 to nearly 3
to find me.
To find me...
and always looking
to regain that which was lost.
At nearly 3
I learned that safety can evapourate
like a smear of condescensation from a window pane.
There was such pain buried in me.
Such a loss creates
Such a need
Such a need creates
Such limiting beliefs in a small childs head
Such limiting beliefs run
Such desparate behaviours
Such desparate behaviours create
Such havoc in my life.
Have many layers of an onion must I peel
before the tears stop?
it is hard to critique such a raw and painful write as this. losing your mother at the age of 3 must have been devastating, and to re-live it now, 30 years later, must be extremely painful.
your opening lines allow us to feel that heaviness and sadness in your heart as you speak of the thunderous sky and the weight of the rain that pools into your heart and makes your limbs heavy with grief.
we always have to go through the pain to get to the other side where the rainbow lies and healing happens. i wish for you peace in your heart..
I agree that it's hard to critique something like this. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a mother when you were so young. It had to be really hard. I loved the closing line. I think the next to last stanza conveys the confusing emotions quite well. You opening is also very eloquent. This is very well done.