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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rummaging and Reminiscing (version 2)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 213
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1132
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1611



    Description:
       OK... they made me do it. :)

    If you check out the comments on version 1 you will understand the changes.

    "No poem is every truly finished." Marvin Bell


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRummaging and Reminiscing (version 2)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    From Messiah Girl Melissa's
    Lessons in the Desert Vol. 1
    (Messiah Girl - http://www.eliteskills.com/z/59843)


    Rummaging and reminiscing
    through shoe box memories
    I recall love flaring
    like a photographer's flash:
    brightness captured a smile
    then left me in shadows.
    Faded pictures remain
    bound by red and silver ribbons
    with assorted letters and cards
    of deep but fleeting passion.
    I unfold a note crisp from age,
    read and remember the distant
    dismembered past.

    Love Colors Me
    Your love colors me like
    the effects of the sun setting
    and setting the clouds on fire
    or turning the plum purple to blue
    as it yawns and stretches into day


    These are easy to toss
    but impossible to release.
    On more than one occasion
    I have pulled them from the trash.
    Hope lives between the lines.
    Having been loved before,
    perhaps I may repeat it.
    Every grand miracle
    deserves a reprise.

    I fondle a testament,
    a forgotten covenant,
    inscribed on a
    table napkin tablet

    One Love
    Pure Love
    Real Love
    Your love
    In love
    True love
    Hot love
    New love




    Submitted on 2006-07-30 14:00:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ahhh this one does sound like
    an affirmation

    and I wouldn't doubt that new love is on its way
    or maybe you just haven't noticed it yet?

    lol,

    love and light,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      hey, I really like this version better. it's much more you. I hope you didn't get offended by my comments. sometimes I am a little rough around the edges. I got paid back for it today. so I apologize. I try to stay positive but I got that same comment in a workshop at school so I was just trying to pass along what I'd learned. I enjoy your poetry and admire your philosophies.
    | Posted on 2006-07-31 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      I went back and read the first version first, just so I could see the changes and compare the two. I do like this one the best, although I think they are both very nicely written. The imagery here is wonderful and makes me think of my own life experiences. I think we all have our own shoebox memories, some good, some a bit painful, but still all experiences that have made us grow into who we are. I like how you tied these seperate writes into each other in this poem. The first version, they were all seperate without connection but in this one, they all come together. Very well written and expressed.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-08-30 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Seeing the changes with this all I will say is this certainly much better! Just when I felt you could do more with it. lol. Okay. This tells the story better and more collectively. The weaving process is stronger here. And it is clear, this is pain and sorrow the woman feels. What a upgrade! Now this is a fav also! lol.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      It is like reading a book on a single page--it covers that much territory. I get a sense of unpacking after having moved (so many times) and then looking through boxes for what I should have discarded, only to have to sift through those memories.

    Your writing is so personal and yet universal, so I guess I'll have to read a few more.
    | Posted on 2006-09-02 00:00:00 | by coyote | [ Reply to This ]
      i love the table napkin tablet! i used to inscribe notes and poems on napkins in bars, in restaurants, anywhere the mood struck me..

    i do like this version better. that's just my opinion, though. i like the tweaking you did very much.. it just seems to flow better to me, and it make me want to fall back to reminiscing, open that shoebox and remember... your ending is perfect. there is always new love, love abounds if we just let it be..

    brava Chrystine!

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      yes, i like this...
    maybe....

    One Love
    Pure Love
    Real Love
    Your love
    In love
    True love
    Hot love
    New love

    this could go at the end.. a beautiful ending,
    singing that verse that fits just right with the chorus.
    i can hear it ringing out strong and bright..

    beautiful work, Chrystine.

    love,
    ~Cat

    | Posted on 2006-07-30 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]


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