Description: What's there to say.. it's about anger. This piece isn't all that great. Still needs some editing, but it's as far as I've managed to get on my own. So any suggestions you might have would be very much appriecated. For the record, a great deal of thanks goes out to Janneke for listening to all the alternate lines and helping with which ones to choose. Adversely, Shoggoth did not help at all, lmao. Enjoy! (The title is a 'working title' as well)
Ascending anger enables the impossble;
strike the distance down then
murder all adversaries
and adversity placed in your path.
Drink up the oceans and hold them within.
while strangling the nations.
Quash the foothills
as you punch through mountains.
Knock God to the ground
and sit on his throne;
place your feet upon paradise.
Crush the horizon.
Eradicate the clouds
then look to an empty sky.
Move the coasts and slaughter the seas.
Hold the amazons accountable;
fire reigns in the rainforest:
hack, slash, cut and burn.
Fight the storm,
be the victor.
Choke the wind
and watch the rain bounce off
as you walk dry in typhoons.
Take the lightning head on.
Stab the squall.
Hold fury in hand.
Grapple with earth and overpower it.
Battle the stampede;
stand up and stop the torrenting flow;
for rivers cease at the site of your fist.
Tear the throat from longing,
relief delivered as the blood is released.
Occupy entire worlds with this rage.
Taste the sun;
extinguish stars with your tongue.
Fill all space with the hate
grown in gardens internal.
Swing your arms
to repel meteors and asteroids
and find invincibility inside yourself.
Thanks for putting my name up ;). It was a pleasure to do so, because i didn't have anything to do.. Guess that saved me from being bored :P So.. I''ve seen this piece from the fundamentals.. up to this.. growing. Improving all the time and I say you may be proud of what you have now, even though you think it's not that good.. Reading closely, I found some small suggestions which you might use, or not...
strike the distance down[,] then -improves the flow, i believe
hack [and] slash, cut and burn. - you had that first, and I must say I like that better
to repel meteors and asteroids[.] [F]ind invincibility inside yourself. - If you start the last line with a capital, you have more like a conclusion, which, in my opinion, makes it more powerfull.
I liked the second stanza the best, especially kicking off God from the throne.. It;'s a strong piece with a good flow.. I just like it..
that is an awesome poem.but when you said quash the foothills did u mean squash them.other than that it seems like u really bruoght this one to life.it's like i cuold see it all happening before my eyes. every word showed a strong emotion.
i even saw my huose which is in the foothills being squashed.thank you my parents just might move.lol
I love this, it shows absolute power, dominion and control over every aspect of reality itself. As if ones rage could bring the world and faith down to its knees and with a single notion or a whim, the being would decree the total destruction of everything.
i saw this link in the chat roon. awesome piece. i really like it. its kind of mad but so am i most of the time. find a nice way to get rid of some of that extra stress that is making you so angry... sex works for me... you should try it. i hope to read more by you soon. love tina
i got a lot more of a feelingof all the dictators thatdicide they want more power rather than being angry. im not sure what your political standing is, so i ownt name names, so i dont offend you. nice and powerful, and the idea of overpowering the earth is a good one. because that is what happens. people get angry and they want to dominate anything they can. even those things they cant.
Tear the throat from longing, relief delivered as the blood is released.
i love that this is such an amamzing write ive never been able to describe what my anger feels like, but you have right here wowo this is everything i know it is and ive never been able to find thewords i love how you personify it this is an amazing write keep goin :]
The first four lines were lovely, they sort of just rolled off the tongue of my mind, ya know?lol.
I believe that when you read poetry you should feel like how it described, and as I read this I could really feel your anger. And after I finished for some reason I found myself very mad, then calmed down lol.
The only two lines I had a problem with were 'stab the squall' and 'extinguish stars with your tongue'. perhaps stab something else and use something else to extinguish the stars.
I loved it, it was awesome, very impowering actually. Keep up da excelent work
I think I understand the meaning of this piece. This is a poem of motivation. A very smart, successful man once told me the secret of success is to find what motivates you. This character is motivated by his intense anger at the entire world.
I admit, the work spoke to me personally because I went through a phase like this myself (I was 18, the same age as you) - I used the anger to motivate me, but eventually I collapsed emotionally.
The poem is well written in regards to its theme - you use intense language and extreme imagery (strangling nations, swallowing seas, knocking God off the throne).
So in regards to HOW the poem is written, I have no criticisms - well done.
But in regards to the meaning, I'd say this piece needs to be continued - a sequel, if you will. Because as someone who has been there, I know that anger gives only temporary motivation and brings the person crashing down into further dissappointment.
So in closing, the poem is done well but feels incomplete and unsatisfying - even if it does make me want to go start a barfight!
when i first began to read this, i thought it was going to just be a rage filled poem saying you wanted to punch your wall and knock someone out. but what you did with this, its exquisit!! i love the way you made your rage such a monstrosity. i could feel through out the whole poem like it got bigger and deeper, ilike i was being swallowed within it. i also loved the word chose, it was brilliant! my favorite lines were: "Swing your arms to repel meteors and asteroids and find invincibility inside yourself." anyways i loved this piece, and i think you did an amazing job
this is by far the most white trash poem i have ever read,,,nock God to the ground and sit on his throne.....full of blasphemy...punch through mountains,,,who do you think you are, the Ultimate Warrior,,,your ascending anger dies with you, and gets knowhere,,,come on be realistic,,,,yeah lets see how much power you have when you get a hernia, or an ulcer.....you gotta calm yourself down, get laid or something,,,,,you are merely an ant if the eyes of god.....remember that.......ahhh, but what do you expect from a guy that looks like Napoleon Dynamites brother.