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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Will you love me in the morning?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: butterfly wings
    ASL Info:    20/F/ Miami
    Elite Ratio:    4.09 - 264/309/53
    Words: 246
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 7765
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1496



    Description:
       For those of you who have seen "click" now where the lines come from. " for those of you that haven't seen the movie, the lines still stand on their own so you aren't missing anything great. New love......


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots Will you love me in the morning?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Staring me down
    From somewhere over the ground
    I see you there
    Laughing at me at the top of the stairs

    Tackling you with all my weight
    You pin me yet again
    You try to kiss me
    Not today.....

    Telling me that its just alittle peck
    But what will that lead to
    Another peck I bet
    I don't think you love me enough yet.

    Another day rolls by
    You try again with a peck on the cheek.
    Thank you for the roses
    Maybe you can kiss me next week.

    You're in love with me ?
    But If I kiss you tonight
    Would you still love me in the morning?

    With our lips very close ,
    The heat stared to build in me,
    That Makes me wonder,
    Will you respect me tomorrow?

    Touching my skin with soft grazes,
    Longingly watching me with wonder,
    Morning came and went today.

    With stars out again,
    Morning is a ways away,
    Will you tell me good morning then,
    While you lay there in my sheets ?

    Playing in my dreams,
    Was that kiss,
    Under the shooting stars and blazing sky,
    Worth making you wait......

    Do you love me this morning?
    After Kissing every inch of me,
    Under the light of diamonds and the moon?
    Do you still want me today?

    "Forever and ever Babe...."




    Submitted on 2006-08-01 07:08:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I pretty much loved it. THe message was really good, along with teh way you put it. The funny thing is I actually took the time to read what others said in the comments cause I actually wanted to know what they thought rather than skimming to make sure I'm not being repetitive. What can I say??? my latest fav?!

    ~orange
    | Posted on 2007-01-24 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      heh, simple and beautiful.

    now what i'm about to say don't take personally, because i say this to everyone just out of habit.

    but the vocab i thought you could've upped a bit, but then again its the simpler things in life that we take for granted.

    nor did this piece have a form built to withstand the demands of a vocabularistic intensity, so kudos to you anyway .

    well...i did think a few things could've been worked on.

    first let me sya i loved the questions here, and the theme you kept going on throughout this piece. the imagery was soft and light, much like sitting down over a cup of green tea in the morning listening to oprah, or reading Cosmopolitan magazine...

    which carried the piece. i thought maybe a lil rhetoric/repitition of a them could've been removed to make this piece more direct or angled, gave it a keen sense of acuteness to the reader, because by shortening the length, the 'hot spots', or main points of focus in this piece would be more easily retained, because they'd stick out more in the critic's subconscious, rather than be droned out and washed away by descriptive reinforments of a commonly-interimed theme here.

    that was it tho . i thought thyere was more but no, you did well to catch this short of a critique from me lol.

    and yes, sometimes people see it as playing hard to get, but its really just testing them, or confirming the conviction behind their words and the momentum behind their intentions. not a game .

    peace
    Loq Dawg
    | Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by Loquacious Mind | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Butterfly

    How are you?! I hope you are fine and doing GREAT...

    I came here after reading your note about this poem, and I read it, it's of course totally different than what I used to read from you!! And I'm wondering why did you chose this one to be your featured poem!!!!

    I really liked the stanza saying;

    "Another day rolls by
    You try again with a peck on the cheek.
    Thank you for the roses
    Maybe you can kiss me next week."

    That was really good one!! It made me laugh!! May be you can kiss me next week!!!!

    Anyway, I hope you are much better now.


    Keep it up,,,

    Yousef Hani
    | Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      i saw the movie, and loved it. went to the movies and saw it with my boyfried...both of us cried in the end. and it inated a very deep and intimate talk afterward. a long long long talk, one with a whole bunch more tears, and more feeling than i could ever tell. i learned a lot about him, and us. it was a wonderful movie, one i think has the kind of message everyone should know. you cant fast-forward life, you cant have everything, or youll miss out on life. and the "will you love me in the morning?" that was touching..."always and forever babe"

    you did a good job with this write. and its a question that should be asked...if this happens, or if i let you do this, get inside my heart and soul..will you love me in the morning? i dont have much time, just wanted to say i loved this. cant find n e thing wrong with it really. just member, dont let n e one press you into something that your not ready for. good work, thanks for sharing. ~Nichole
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by butterfly_chi5 | [ Reply to This ]
      Aw. I saw the movie "Click" with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. I definately cried a little through that movie. It was awesome. I thought it was the cutest thing that my when that part came along ("Will you still love me in the morning?) my boyfriend pulled me a little closer and whispered in my ear that he'd love me every morning and every night. :-) Ha ha. Cute right?!

    But on to the poem...

    I have a soft spot for love poetry. And I'm excessively picky about it. But this piece I find endearing. It's very sweet and innocent. I find that sometimes it's hard to convey the innocence of love and to convey love itself in all it's entirety.

    This piece sort of brings to mind the concept of whether or not someone will love you despite faults. As if it's saying, "will you still love me after you've seen every inch of me, body & soul?". I love that.

    Simply charming writing my dear. Endearing and charming.

    much love,

    -Sami
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good poem. I always thought the best poems created are the ones that the writer has gone through or felt because the emotions really come through in the piece. It's hard to be with someone for a while without jumping the gun you know? When you really love this person but you're not sure where they stand and you don't want to give YOUR whole world to them without knowing if they're truely serious in being with you and staying with you. I know that feeling, most girls go through that. Just remember not to be pressured into doing anything you don't want to and if that person really loves you, they will wait until you're ready. Overall great job! :) Keep up the good work.

    ~Cris
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by my_worst_fear85 | [ Reply to This ]
      nice. longer than usual, kinder than mine too, to each his own. i think we all have something to wait for, and its all worth it hopefully, the ending seemed dry, but i dont know maybe its just me. i enjoyed that it was longer than your usual.
    | Posted on 2006-08-03 00:00:00 | by wolfwoodphreak | [ Reply to This ]


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