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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: War Childdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KimmyMim
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 223/303/117
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 952
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 578



    Description:
       Inspired today...

    For all the men and women
    and children, all of whom
    are our brothers and sisters,
    lost and hiding from war...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWar Childdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Quiv'ring screams of anguish,
    in the still of night,
    she cries,

    searching for a humble
    heart, who's not consumed
    with lies.

    Hands gnarled from her scratching
    post, wrapped tight with strands
    of hair.

    Swollen face from scars of
    hate, her eyes look up
    and stare.

    "Where are THEY who speak of
    love, while off'ring hope
    and peace?"

    (THEY pray to gods they do
    not know, send their bombs,
    and leave.)




    Submitted on 2006-08-01 08:36:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the message in this piece is really nice. war children truly are a tragedy; they get no say in anything, yet are subjected to the worst. truly, imperialism happens, and there is rampant use of religion to, ironically, justify war. i'm not very religious myself, but i do think that that should be denounced. "Where are those, who say they
    love, while off'ring hope
    and peace?" strikes true; sovereign powers say they help, but really don't.

    well, you broke away from the rhyme scheme in the last stanza with peace/leave, so i didn't really like that inconsistency. also, this part, "Begging for a kindly
    heart, consumed with all
    the lies." is sort of unclear - what's consumed with all the lies? a kindly heart?

    but i really do like the ending - "send their bombs,
    and leave." and again, good message.
    | Posted on 2006-08-02 00:00:00 | by explosions | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for caring about the destitutes of war (who happen to be real people) and for speaking up for them. It angers me sometimes the way they are ignored and forgotten and how sociaty/media has become deprived of emotion.. on cnn: "another dead body today.." which is not anything "new". How could they be so mono-tone? like zombies or something.. where are your tears? what if that was your son/daughter?

    But you have giving them a voice.. the ones who cannot speak-up or speak out.


    Sarah
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Quiv'ring screams of anguish,
    in the still of night,
    she cries.

    Begging for a kindly
    heart, consumed with all
    the lies.

    Hands gnarled from her scratching
    post, wrapped tight with strands
    of hair.

    Swollen face consumed with
    hate, forgotten eyes
    can't care.

    Where are those who say they
    love? While off'ring hope
    and peace...

    They pray to gods they do
    not know. Send their bombs,
    and leave.

    Your last strophe is quite a condemnation of the civilized world; meddling in the affairs of sovereign nations under the guise of instilling freedom, destroying infrastructures that may be useless for decades, sowing seeds of hatred and mistrust that will outlive the participants and, in some cases, hoping God is pleased without fully knowing His will.

    The irony of the write is the perpetual use of God to justify pointless slaughter (as in the case of the Trade Center attacks that declared civilians to be combatants based solely on their country of origin and religious affiliation).

    Sadly enough, children of war often become the next generation's soldiers.

    Nicely written.
    Take care.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      nice. because its so short and doesnt boggle down in politics its a powerful piece. i had a bit of difficulty with the lack of general punctuation ie full stops, butthats not really that big a problem.
    i liked the dedication too.
    are you meaning war in general, because there is so much of it lately. it seems every country is at war with eachother at the moment.
    and i cant really think where it all began.
    who was it that ecided war would be the way of the future, and was he one of those w*@#s who said that they were voting for peace?

    evelyn
    | Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by eowyn | [ Reply to This ]


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