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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: **Love On Hold and Ready To Hang Updots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Love
    Total Views: 596
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 476



    Description:
       This is about me and a friend who like each other but aren't going out. Catch the drift? Just tell me what you think. It's just kind of random thoughts..a bit.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots**Love On Hold and Ready To Hang Updots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm waiting
    You know I am
    I've made my move
    Told you how I feel
    It's your turn
    Tell me
    Ask me
    You know I can't wait much longer
    Must I abandon all hope
    And move on to another
    I love you but
    You have to commit
    Tell me your willing to try
    More than friends
    On to better things
    Take me
    Release my soul
    Let me show you
    The inner me.




    Submitted on 2006-08-01 10:46:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      this poem is great! it was short, sweet, and to the point. my favorite lines were:
    "Let me show you
    my inner me"
    very moving...keep writing
    </3 lisa
    | Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]
      This one is really good too. It's along the lines of the other poem I read where this person is in love with another but they're afraid of commitment and you don't want to wait forever for them to come around. It's a short poem but to the point and easy to understand. I feel the sadness and the anticipation you put in. Good job, I really enjoy reading your poems. Keep up the good work! :)

    ~Cris
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by my_worst_fear85 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm.

    I like this one. It's simple and original, and works nicely without the usage of rhyming. I think just about any one who has loved some one who has been uncertain about their feelings, or never returned their feelings, can relate to this poem. I don't know if you have actually felt this way or you are just good with portraying the emotions very well, but you truly captured the sincerity of the waiting lover.

    Onto personal stanza comments... wait... there's only one stanza... um... personal line comments! Or something along those lines...
    ___

    I'm waiting
    You know I am
    I've made my move
    Told you how I feel
    It's your turn
    Tell me
    Ask me
    You know I can't wait much longer
    ___

    The impatience and hidden anguish of your waiting lover was portrayed quite nicely in these lines. I particularly like the first five lines.
    ___

    You know I can't wait much longer
    Must I abandon all hope
    And move on to another
    I love you but
    You have to commit
    ___

    Yet again, that impatience. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, just that I like it and how they boldly seem to throw (hoping this doesn't sound wrong to you) the words out at this imaginary lover in their want to know how the special other truly feels.
    ___

    You have to commit
    Tell me your willing to try
    More than friends
    On to better things
    Take me
    Release my soul
    Let me show you
    My inner me.
    ___

    I love the way the emotions plays on how it seems that this person is imprisoned by their love and only the pending answer from the significant other is the key to help set them free. I don't know if this was really what you were trying to show, but it's what I saw.

    The last line kind of irked me though, yes, irked me. It seemed to interupted the flow. Try: "The inner me" Or maybe something like that, but "My inner me" seemed... lazy... or maybe just forced, I don't know. Just a suggestions, dear, nothing personal.

    Well, there you have it. A uber long comment from your newly found fan(friend). ^ ^

    -Red-
    | Posted on 2006-08-28 00:00:00 | by LongPastDead | [ Reply to This ]
      hey..good poem umm it sounds like u care deeply aboput this person u could maybe make it a little longer...good job and keep writing

    ~Amber~
    | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by Amberger | [ Reply to This ]


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    112915

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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