Description: This is about me and a friend who like each other but aren't going out. Catch the drift? Just tell me what you think. It's just kind of random thoughts..a bit.
**Love On Hold and Ready To Hang Up -------------------------------------------
You know I am
I've made my move
Told you how I feel
It's your turn
You know I can't wait much longer
Must I abandon all hope
And move on to another
I love you but
You have to commit
Tell me your willing to try
More than friends
On to better things
Release my soul
Let me show you
The inner me.
This one is really good too. It's along the lines of the other poem I read where this person is in love with another but they're afraid of commitment and you don't want to wait forever for them to come around. It's a short poem but to the point and easy to understand. I feel the sadness and the anticipation you put in. Good job, I really enjoy reading your poems. Keep up the good work! :)
I like this one. It's simple and original, and works nicely without the usage of rhyming. I think just about any one who has loved some one who has been uncertain about their feelings, or never returned their feelings, can relate to this poem. I don't know if you have actually felt this way or you are just good with portraying the emotions very well, but you truly captured the sincerity of the waiting lover.
Onto personal stanza comments... wait... there's only one stanza... um... personal line comments! Or something along those lines... ___
I'm waiting You know I am I've made my move Told you how I feel It's your turn Tell me Ask me You know I can't wait much longer ___
The impatience and hidden anguish of your waiting lover was portrayed quite nicely in these lines. I particularly like the first five lines. ___
You know I can't wait much longer Must I abandon all hope And move on to another I love you but You have to commit ___
Yet again, that impatience. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, just that I like it and how they boldly seem to throw (hoping this doesn't sound wrong to you) the words out at this imaginary lover in their want to know how the special other truly feels. ___
You have to commit Tell me your willing to try More than friends On to better things Take me Release my soul Let me show you My inner me. ___
I love the way the emotions plays on how it seems that this person is imprisoned by their love and only the pending answer from the significant other is the key to help set them free. I don't know if this was really what you were trying to show, but it's what I saw.
The last line kind of irked me though, yes, irked me. It seemed to interupted the flow. Try: "The inner me" Or maybe something like that, but "My inner me" seemed... lazy... or maybe just forced, I don't know. Just a suggestions, dear, nothing personal.
Well, there you have it. A uber long comment from your newly found fan(friend). ^ ^