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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: i bet you're proud of yourselfdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rhaine
    ASL Info:    25/Yes/An Alley
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 660/744/196
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 877
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1039



    Description:
       nice job jerk


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsi bet you're proud of yourselfdots
    -------------------------------------------


    why am i beaten with shame?
    when i am not the one
    who has infected him
    with the disease running
    around in his head
    fogging up his thoughts
    so he can't think clearly

    he's laying right here
    in my arms
    but he is so far away
    my shouts are only whispers to him

    and she's screaming that he hates me,
    but why does he seek me?
    who knew that our friendship would drown
    in a sea of lies and smirnoff
    that she would shackle you from me
    keep you away from the only person
    that really understands you

    she did this to hurt you
    and me also in a way
    she is standing over us laughing
    while we play in the sand
    she knows the grief
    and thinks its funny
    to stomp dirt in my face

    can't you see her?
    staring down at me
    smiling
    "look what i have done"


    you know it's true




    Submitted on 2006-08-01 14:14:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      WWWAAAAAAAAAAAA!
    Stelf Ninja see oberwelming turn to da dawk side in dis poem...and Stelf Ninja will disguise self as smirnoff bottle and ATTACK temptwess woman twying to steal stupid boyfwend! Den Stelf Ninja will swlap stupid bowfwend sidewayz and pull two chest hairs out of his chest and say:

    "Stupid boyfwend! Wake up and wub da one who wubs you!"

    WWWAAAAAAAA! Stelf Ninja has mastered dee art of slwapping stupid boyfwends out of silly haze! Only charge twenny five dollahs! Twenny two fiddy if you call within next ten minutes!

    WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!




    Just being a dork and trying to make you smile.
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      The anger and saddness just seeps from this piece, but I'm not quite sure whether or not to call it a poem or a rant, for it's a bit in between. It has potential, but I think that it could be improved; something just felt missing to me, and that makes me mad cuz I liked it a lot, but I still get that there is an empty space here, like there was something left out, it's weird.

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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