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    dots Submission Name: empty from the insidedots

    Author: EEKS
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 647/1206/773
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 748
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 826


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    dotsempty from the insidedots

    we let people inside of us
    and still we feel like we havent touched them
    what kind of empty leaves you reaching
    when you're smothered by perfect strangers breathing
    and you cant feel their feelings?

    i can let you inside
    but i cant promise intimacy
    i can only promise warmness
    and innocence in candy boxes
    and guilt lying in drapes of lace
    that we'll shower off
    but we might never forget
    or maybe we'll do so much worse we won't need to

    what kind of emptiness
    promises secrets from strangers
    that know you better than most
    who've been inside
    but have never seen you
    and never felt your feelings
    only felt you reaching
    and ending up still empty

    Submitted on 2006-08-01 14:48:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      so i guess this poem is about feelings v. physical contact? with the intimacy v. warmness and the strangers v. not. hmm, i'm not sure, but i get that impression. i think sometimes the writing is a little off, like "or maybe we'll do so much worse we won't need to" - it doesn't flow that well, but conveying your idea was good. emptiness, indeed.
    "what kind of emptiness
    promises secrets from strangers" was probably my favorite part.
    | Posted on 2006-08-02 00:00:00 | by explosions | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! I love the way you portray emptyness and how it really relates to the people around you. The first stanza really reached out and stated it perfectly.. the seperation between you and another. I really liked the second part because of the pictures you associated it with....

    and innocence in candy boxes
    and guilt lying in drapes of lace
    That was a nice touch.
    The ending really tied it together.How alone we really are even in a crowd.
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm saddening with ever poem i read, the signs are pointing yes to question i posed... its your choice, but if it's true, i'm the only one left, remember when we joked and said it would prolly be you first, me second and ashley last?

    now everything's different.

    and i'm the last.
    | Posted on 2006-08-06 00:00:00 | by Queen_of_spades | [ Reply to This ]

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