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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hopless? Romanitc?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: metallichick786
    ASL Info:    26/f/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 78/85/51
    Words: 273
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1077
    Average Vote:    4.7500
    Bytes: 1700



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHopless? Romanitc?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    He played a song so beautifully
    Unknowingly I weep
    So harmonious this sound I drifted into sleep
    A song so melodic in memory of when we met
    His words that passed his lips
    Seemed to glide into my ears
    The feeling like Ive loved you
    So many endless years

    I wish I could explain the heart
    That aches inside for you
    But words cannot be spoken
    Until I know the truth
    A man that is perfection
    A person only pure
    A man of honest intentions
    My broken heart now cured

    I fear that I am dreaming
    In love alone in my mind
    For a man of your composure
    Is not capable of find
    I study the endless shine
    It filters through your eyes
    I contemplate the blindness
    I may have in these skies

    He played a song so beautifully
    My breath couldn't escape my lips
    The notes so enchanting
    Forever in me grips

    Your face is like a movie
    At constant play inside my head
    I pray for your realization
    I'm held by delicate thread
    The song you sang taunts me
    Throughout the weary night
    To be next to you holding you
    Oh so ever tight

    I look at you silently
    I love you with my eyes
    For when with you I know
    There will never be any lies

    A love so intense cannot be put to words
    A love as this for good reason
    Is better left unheard
    A silent symphony plays between
    Our oh so often glances
    A love as this is worth the risk of all our
    Failing chances




    Submitted on 2006-08-01 18:46:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      So returning the 'love' since you've commented on two of my pieces. I use to utilize rhyme a lot but eventually felt sometimes constrained by patterns in order to express myself. I play with it now and then but for the most part keep to free verse.

    Your poem is well-structured and I can understand the emotion behind it. I especially love these lines:

    A love so intense cannot be put to words
    A love as this for good reason
    Is better left unheard

    That expression speaks volumes or in internetz 'I know dose feels'.

    The only difficulty I saw within the poem falls in here:

    I fear that I am dreaming
    In love alone in my mind
    For a man of your composure
    Is not capable of find

    The rhyme there feels forced to fit though I am unsure of what could replace such. Enjoyable poem, regardless.
    | Posted on 2013-05-06 00:00:00 | by CynicalxDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      You are rather clever arent you, very well done love the repetition, and the rhyme scheme, very clever.
    I have a habit of drifting off when I read other peoples stuff. but you are very crafty with your words, a ballet of rhyme.
    I love rhyme, maybe it comes from green eggs and ham or something.
    you say a love that cannot be put into words, i say you did a good job putting it into words.

    thanks for posting
    David
    | Posted on 2011-03-06 00:00:00 | by Diablo Tapitio | [ Reply to This ]
      God I hope this isnt the same guy you talk about in your journal. But in any case, Beautiful poem I love the rhythm and flow it has, it really fits the idea of listening to a love song and drifting off into love dreams. Sorry thats corny.
    Josh
    | Posted on 2007-09-18 00:00:00 | by MC white | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't think i can give any advice

    A love so intense cannot be put to words
    A love as this for good reason
    Is better left unheard
    A silent symphony plays between
    Our oh so often glances
    A love as this is worth the risk of all our
    Failing chances

    i am glad that you still put it in words, and it is so wonderful, the way you described everything looks so much lovely. i wish someone could write words so beautiful so sweet for me.
    BUt i guess not everyone is so lucky like your Man.

    i don't know what to say this piece is full of emotion so pure so colourful.

    may you both have a beautiful life togather.

    bye
    nishant
    | Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by imagination | [ Reply to This ]
      I reaslly like this its so romantic yet sad because this romance seems to elude you, heart-wrenching and beautyfully so. I like your writing style.

    Shalom,
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2006-08-03 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]


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