[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Firefliesdots

    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 845
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 396


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Those fireflies are brutal,
    to corrode of them is quite dubious.
    Feel estranged among them,
    for they're chasing after safety.
    Mark of the revolution is revealed,
    with a splatter of the writings within the walls.
    Maybe to the ordinary
    fireflies seem to cause, no harm,
    but to wander to closely and their furance shall become inevitable.

    Submitted on 2006-08-01 19:50:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hey Jessi,

    We got fireflies all over the damn place here...Sometimes, there are so much that we're afraid one of them at night might poke our eyes out or fly straight into it. It never happened but i'm always freaked out. We have a huge field in front of our house so it's kinda easy to see them.

    I'm pretty much cool with fireflies just as long as they don't bother me and i don't bother them, everything is fine between us.

    In terms of your writing. I have to admit, it didn't struck me that much. I felt you've used big words for a description when all you really needed were simple words for such a topic. Your words and the topic itself doesn't really work too well together. I just didn't feel much for this although i did find that the write was still good.

    I'm sorry i haven't been around but my phone had some problems...Don't worry, i'm still here...I'm gonna keep viewing your work. I still love the way your thoughts come together with your writing...It's something i admire in you.

    Keep writing and hope to talk soon.
    Take care....
    | Posted on 2006-08-10 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      well you know what...
    i just saw my first ever fire fly about 3 weeks ago...
    in my country we have glow worms (female fire flies that dont fly) and so i guess we have fire flies of the male variety too but i aint ever seen one
    so... i was sitting on a swinging seat thingee listening to my friend practice piano when i saw these bugs butts light up and die off... it was pure madness
    so to me... fire flies are pure magicness!

    it interests me to veiw an opinion that is anything but that...
    your not into them huh?

    now theres a coupla places in this that i think you gotta tweak somewhat...
    youve got some good words going on there... good big words... but they seem forced the way you use them...

    argh! its too hard to explain... ummm...

    perhaps maybe what it needs is more flesh...
    like perhaps you have too many big words crammed in together and it takes away the effect and power of the words you have chosen... excellent words but not used wisely...

    anyways... im still struck by the difference in our outlooks to fire flies... madness
    | Posted on 2006-08-02 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      It was a good piece Iíll give you that. Such a cynical view on fireflies is rather interesting. The vocabulary was good to but I think the second and third lines do not work with the poem very well. I also think something needs to be added, not a lot, just something small.
    ~ SonAsylum aka Aaron
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by SonAsylum | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Wavelength written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Summer written by layDsayD
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fasade written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Linger written by saartha
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]