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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Firefliesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 806
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 396



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFirefliesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Those fireflies are brutal,
    to corrode of them is quite dubious.
    Feel estranged among them,
    for they're chasing after safety.
    Mark of the revolution is revealed,
    with a splatter of the writings within the walls.
    Maybe to the ordinary
    fireflies seem to cause, no harm,
    but to wander to closely and their furance shall become inevitable.




    Submitted on 2006-08-01 19:50:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey Jessi,

    We got fireflies all over the damn place here...Sometimes, there are so much that we're afraid one of them at night might poke our eyes out or fly straight into it. It never happened but i'm always freaked out. We have a huge field in front of our house so it's kinda easy to see them.

    I'm pretty much cool with fireflies just as long as they don't bother me and i don't bother them, everything is fine between us.

    In terms of your writing. I have to admit, it didn't struck me that much. I felt you've used big words for a description when all you really needed were simple words for such a topic. Your words and the topic itself doesn't really work too well together. I just didn't feel much for this although i did find that the write was still good.

    I'm sorry i haven't been around but my phone had some problems...Don't worry, i'm still here...I'm gonna keep viewing your work. I still love the way your thoughts come together with your writing...It's something i admire in you.

    Keep writing and hope to talk soon.
    Take care....
    ~Irina
    | Posted on 2006-08-10 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      well you know what...
    i just saw my first ever fire fly about 3 weeks ago...
    in my country we have glow worms (female fire flies that dont fly) and so i guess we have fire flies of the male variety too but i aint ever seen one
    so... i was sitting on a swinging seat thingee listening to my friend practice piano when i saw these bugs butts light up and die off... it was pure madness
    so to me... fire flies are pure magicness!

    it interests me to veiw an opinion that is anything but that...
    your not into them huh?

    now theres a coupla places in this that i think you gotta tweak somewhat...
    youve got some good words going on there... good big words... but they seem forced the way you use them...

    argh! its too hard to explain... ummm...

    perhaps maybe what it needs is more flesh...
    like perhaps you have too many big words crammed in together and it takes away the effect and power of the words you have chosen... excellent words but not used wisely...

    anyways... im still struck by the difference in our outlooks to fire flies... madness
    | Posted on 2006-08-02 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      It was a good piece Iíll give you that. Such a cynical view on fireflies is rather interesting. The vocabulary was good to but I think the second and third lines do not work with the poem very well. I also think something needs to be added, not a lot, just something small.
    ~ SonAsylum aka Aaron
    | Posted on 2006-08-01 00:00:00 | by SonAsylum | [ Reply to This ]


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