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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Freedomdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DeadGod
    ASL Info:    20/M/OR
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 61/103/31
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Prose/Serious
    Total Views: 916
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 469



    Description:
       I challenge you to look at your ridiculous life. I then challenge you to remember it tomorrow.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFreedomdots
    -------------------------------------------


    7 AM and we're talking
    about things the way they are, or
    the way they should be; and
    through the sunrise, and all
    the people waking up to another
    day in the life of the ignored,
    and all those infinite possibilities
    wasted with their morning coffee (and
    toast, wonderful toast), I reflect
    on how beautiful things are and how
    I'd rather be anywhere else than right here,
    Right now.




    Submitted on 2006-08-02 09:14:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the starting and the ending; very nicely done. The starting made me curious and the ending left me feeling rather satisfied.

    I like this because it feels like something everyone at one point goes through. The reflecting, the thoughts. I know I have.

    The only thing I might complain about is the title. Of course it makes more sense to you, which is why you chose it, so by all means, keep it. But Freedom doesn't really ring a bell for me when I read this.

    But either way, good write.
    :)
    | Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by GiveMeTheGun | [ Reply to This ]
      nice.
    srsly.
    maybe it doesn't fit with the title, but i still like it. the parenthetical reference to toast was a nice touch.

    but i agree, i think we are too passive in our ridiculous lives. i think "all those infinite possibilities
    wasted with their morning coffee" is well-said and true. and i think that challenge is hard for most people to do.

    the only thing that slightly bothered me was capitalization inconsistency. but maybe that was intentional, i don't know. i'm just a pedant. but your style reminds me a little of another writer whom i like.

    anyway, i do really like it.
    | Posted on 2006-08-02 00:00:00 | by explosions | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm.. this made me think.. alot.
    "I reflect
    on how beautiful things are and how
    I'd rather be anywhere else than right here,
    Right now."
    no matter how beautiful things are.. sometimes, its just not what you want or are looking for.. it just doesnt work for you. its something like the divide between the heart and the mind. emotions vs logic.
    and when you dont have what you want, everything around you, the good, the bad and the ugly... are all the same.

    i think you've put it very beautifully.. a thought provoking concept in a thought provoking manner.
    | Posted on 2006-08-02 00:00:00 | by Sanjhana | [ Reply to This ]
      You're too young to write like this. Regret poetry is for us old farts!

    OK, now that I've got that out of the way, nice write here. Yeah, I've actually found myself pulling into the lot at work (on too many occasions) not remembering one damn thing about the 20 minute drive there...

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-08-02 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


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