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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Black Rosedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rainmaker
    ASL Info:    23 / M / Finland
    Elite Ratio:    4.84 - 45/50/19
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 744
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 915



    Description:
       Quite Dark lyrics i made. I still have not found the right way for notes but i think someday i will ;) There might be ( and will be ) some grammar and spelling mistakes since english aint my primary lang but please - dont stick to them too hard. And i think i can not type this since somehow i get different feeling from this one every time i read it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlack Rosedots
    -------------------------------------------


    [Girl] One like no other
    [Whisper] Black in its hide
    [Girl] Cold as winter
    [Whisper] True gold inside
    [Girl] Casting its shadow
    [Whisper] In the meadow
    [Girl] Among all the others
    [Whisper] Red for passion, White for memory
    [Girl] But still i recall
    [Whisper] I love the black
    [Girl] The best of all

    [Chorus]

    [Girl] I might forget
    [Girl] All the rest
    [Girl] And open myself
    [whisper] To the dark jest

    [Prologue]

    [Girl] Why It's the dark
    [Girl] That pulls me so
    [Whisper] Fading summers mark
    [Whisper] It reminds you of me
    [Whisper] Dancing and drinking
    [Whisper] So fierce, so free
    [Girl] And now I'm thinking
    [Girl] Is this, the shadow
    [Girl] The ghost of a rose?
    [Whisper] Yes.....




    Submitted on 2006-08-04 02:33:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is fantastic! I read it about 5 times. First by only reading the [Girl] section, then the [whisper] and a couple times all through. Very clever.

    What's Finland like?

    -Kickit.
    | Posted on 2008-08-02 00:00:00 | by kickit | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this. Very original. The way the girl and whisper say different, yet complete things that manage to intertwine perfectly is amazing. I ended up reading it twice to get the full effect.
    The wording is very pretty also.

    There's nothing to critique, so I suppose I'll be on my way now.

    Beautifully done.
    -nikkki

    (Oh, by the way, how's Finland? It's always interested me, but you know... I can't just walk there...)
    | Posted on 2007-10-23 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very good! i really liked it but i wish it were longer. the way you alternate between a girl and whisper gives it a very haunting, eerie feel. very well done! thanks for the read!
    peace.
    Mikey X
    | Posted on 2007-06-30 00:00:00 | by Shadia Dark | [ Reply to This ]
      first up...
    is there any truth to the story i have been spreading round that donald duck was banned in finland coz he didnt wear pants..?
    sorry... i had to ask someone...

    ok... so... about the song...
    i think this would sound really interesting when performed...
    it has a phantom of the opera type feel for me...
    perhaps its the girl/whisper contrast... i dont know...

    i really enjoyed the way that the girls song is complete and the whispers song is complete and then together they create something even more...
    its hard to make something like that work but i really think you have achieved that here...

    i think that its interesting how the girl and the whisper seem to be going in different directions but complimenting eachother at the same time...
    part of me feels like the whisper is infact she just a different side of her (but then i have just finished watching the beautiful mind so yeah...)

    the only thing i would think of changing is

    Whisper] It reminds you of me
    i would take out the "it"
    i think the idea would flow smoothly and nothing would be lost...
    fading summers mark reminds you of me

    anyways... i think you did really good here...
    | Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I LOVED THE HELL OUT OF THIS PIECE UNTIL THE UNSAVORY yessssssssssss...my precioussssssssss......yessssssssssssssss....

    UGH! that's what that reminded me of. yeah yeah yeah she asked a question and he answered, but he didn't have to be so raunchy w/it LOL.

    UGH! just a pet peeve of mine, but this poem, if you take out the girl, there's one side of the story, and vice versa, yet both lead back to the same ultimatum.

    this is going on my favorites listttttttt....yessssss....UGH! lol

    merry meet and blessed be, i look forward to reading some more of your works soon.

    Suicidal Mute
    | Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by Loquacious Mind | [ Reply to This ]


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