Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Goodnight My Sweetheart


Author: geherald
ASL Info:    26/male/PA
Elite Ratio:    5.07 - 132 /127 /42
Words: 275
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1717
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1545



Description:


another re-post - for comments and such -

plus i changed a few minor things... see if you can pick them out....


Goodnight My Sweetheart



Goodnight my Sweetheart

I write this for you, in case I should die
If my end has come, I don’t want you to cry
Just bury my body, and say a final prayer
I might then dead, but at least I’m outta your hair

But tonight I’m here, with no plans to leave
bored off my ass, and no tricks up my sleeve
So goodnight my sweetheart, goodbye to the day
I say it over and over, in my own simple way
We had good times, over the years
we shared many laughs and shed a few tears

Way out here, I watch the sun set
no idea what tomorrow brings as of yet
I know the truth and I know the tale
in my quest I shall not fail
You are like a princess, in a tower tall
awaiting a Prince, a rescue, and all

A fairy tale life, I’ve dreamed for us
but to get to work, I still ride the bus
I work every day and pray every night
that tomorrow I’ll find, how to make it all right
To Buddha, to Jesus, to Allah, the Tao
I ask for futurity to come in the now

I get tired of treading the waters of life
So I look to the future, when you’ll be my wife
I sit here and write my simple verse
Did you notice this time, I didn’t even curse
The darker it gets, the less I can see
this time next month will you still want me?

So Goodnight my Sweetheart, Goodbye to the Day
Tomorrow awaits, we must not delay




Submitted on 2006-08-04 02:59:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  This was really touching. I liked it a lot. So inspirational. It really inspires me to write more about love!
```Chrissy```
| Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by XxXPromiseMeXxX | [ Reply to This ]
  you know...
i enjoyed the sentiments of this piece...
i think it took you a long time to get to your point though... the start kinda felt like that annoying song ronan keating killed "if tomorrow never comes" and yeah... that kinda got me off balance and really unimpressed but... redemption was found...

A fairy tale life, I’ve dreamed for us
but to get to work, I still ride the bus
I work every day and pray every night
that tomorrow I’ll find, how to make it all right
To Buddha, to Jesus, to Allah, the Tao
I ask for futurity to come in the now

this is what impresses me...
this is where this piece is salvaged for me...
the idea that yeah... ive got all these dreams for us... i wanna be the prince... i wanna save you... ride you off into the sunset baby im forever yours whatever but... i dont even got a car let alone a horse and i still have to work my menial mcdonalds job for minimum wage or maybe less but its not like im not trying ... you gotta give me credit for that and i know that im always thinking "one day... one day"
and the screed of gods there... thats an interesting one... i dare say you cant appease them all but you can die trying if you want... i dunno...
i just really like the honesty and reality that this stanza encompasses.

i really like the whole "did you notice i didnt even curse" line... i dont know... it just brings the piece completely down to earth...

personally i would think about rewriting it...
taking out all the "if tomorrow never comes" stuff and playing more with the ideas in the 4th stanza
but thats just me...
good luck
| Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  amazing job on decribing your feelings.. and how tomorrow is pretty much unknown but that won't stop your love for her... I love this poem..

~*Jackie*~

Def. going on my favs list
| Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]
  wow...*stares speechless*

this piece was just so moving. unfortunately i wasn't able to catch the original print *don't know if second to last stanza was a play off of that where you mentioned not cursing*

i read this while listening to "Falling out of Love" by Aqualung, lethal combo .

but there's nothing i would change about this piece. going on the fav's list.

i commend you, and will be checking out a few of your other works as well.

merry meet and blessed be
Loquacious Mind
| Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by Loquacious Mind | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



113233