Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: cadence, cadence, cadence.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: explosions
    ASL Info:    -237.6995/she/the library
    Elite Ratio:    6.87 - 59/50/52
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 168
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 679



    Description:
       hmm, i wrote this a while ago while waiting for my piano lesson...i don't like it that much. i don't really know.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscadence, cadence, cadence.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    it's a matter of principle, they tell us
    it's a matter of principle, you tell me

    cadence, cadence, cadence

    and we are reminded of the passage of time.

    why, look at that myopic butterfly
    fluttering by
    fluttering by the buttercups
    (but no, those are hibiscus flowers)
    what a welcome sight
    from all those byzantine bees

    cadence, cadence, cadence

    stammer out your grammar
    and write your fright away

    what a war
    there's a war?
    yes, a war
    oh, the war

    and youth & ideals never make it through.




    Submitted on 2006-08-04 14:08:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Ok, well, I'll try and break it down according to my personal interpretation:

    it's a matter of principle, they tell us
    it's a matter of principle, you tell me

    cadence, cadence, cadence

    and we are reminded of the passage of time.


    Your intro couplet gives me a feeling of resignation-- "they" turns into "you": the rest of the world, society's expectations I suppose. Your "cadence" line ties in with your upcoming piano lesson-- maybe these lessons are much like a forced march to you... the means to an end etc, which "passage of time" seems to allude to.

    why, look at that myopic butterfly
    fluttering by
    fluttering by the buttercups
    (but no, those are hibiscus flowers)
    what a welcome sight
    from all those byzantine bees

    cadence, cadence, cadence

    stammer out your grammar
    and write your fright away


    Is this "myopic butterfly" you, the world or your piano teacher? Let's say it's your teacher: his/her short-sightedness regarding your creativity perhaps? "Byzantine": epitomization of an old empire, one that has crumbled yet still has a legacy that survives. Which gives me the feeling you're fighting this old establishment with what you have at your disposal: words.

    what a war
    there's a war?
    yes, a war
    oh, the war

    and youth & ideals never make it through.


    Feeling jaded and slightly disconnected? The "war" epithets, although seemingly confused, tie in with the old empire reasoning I had before. "Youth and ideals": crushed under the feeling of responsibility, your old world of innocence making way for adult cynicism? This is what I get.

    Although I get all of this, a part of me thinks this could be fleshed out with a tad more imagery... some sort of hook to snare the reader in, y'know?

    Just my thoughts.
    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-08-06 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought that this was pretty interesting. I think it is pretty and flowery, and well written, but I don't think it is very deep. I think that you've probably written better poems, though this is the first poem of yours that I have read. I think that this flows nicely and everything and it is a very original idea. Good work and Keep Writing.
    ~caotic~
    | Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.