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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mysterious one
    ASL Info:    24/f/in my head
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 58/57/17
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 973
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 784



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSindots
    -------------------------------------------


    She stands in front of the mirror
    staring at the stranger within
    no sign of forgivness
    to rid her of her sin

    Her desire for perfection
    has drove her to the end
    she swore she never would
    become part of the trend

    The distorted image that she views
    never once deserved a ten
    but deep inside she always dreamed
    that one day she might fit in

    She stares at the girl
    with tears on her chin
    crying out loud
    because she knows they are kin

    How did it come to this
    she wonders then
    what am I doing
    what have I been

    No more hope left
    none she can depend
    she's all alone
    just her and her sin




    Submitted on 2006-08-04 14:11:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You know, even though i am a man, i can totally understand what is meant by this.
    See, you don't exactly say what you mean, but you definately mean what you say. Good shiz.
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by lyonhart08 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very thought-provoking poem! I liked it. Do we ever really even know ourselves let along forgive ourselves? I guess it's a lifelong struggle to find our way in this crazy world. The fact that we like to write poetry makes us different, but that's not a bad thing when the poetry shows quality in its thought as this one does. :-) Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-08-12 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      I find this pretty much well written (like everyone else is saying), especially for a poem that rhymes, considering most rhyming poems I read lose their tone somewhere along the way.

    Way to keep consistency, and relate-able to most people. Also a theme that isn't even close to being overrated/over written. Great job :D
    | Posted on 2007-05-21 00:00:00 | by Dragonfish91 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really well written. I like that it can be anyone who is looking at theirself. You never tell what that 'sin' is and I like that. It can be what ever sin is happing with you at the moment and it might be easy for people to relate. Good work.

    ~Meagan
    | Posted on 2006-12-30 00:00:00 | by the_truth | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a beautiful write and I can see why it's your *featured* one, it was extremely well written and I can defiatly relate. far too many people worry about fitting in ....and most of the time then ones that DON'T worry about fitting in make it too much of an effort not to fit in and it's all very ironic and ammusing to watch but at times very sad. I really can't think of anything I would change about this write, it was beautiful, very original and extremely well said, nearly perfect as is. (and I rarely rarely ever say anything is even nearly perfect, so feel honored k?)
    peace && luv,
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      "She stares at the girl
    with tears on her chin
    crying out loud
    because she knows they are kin"
    threw me off for a little bit, because then I thought they were sisters. But it's raining and my mind is dormant.
    It's fairly good.
    | Posted on 2006-08-05 00:00:00 | by Lacrimosa | [ Reply to This ]
      Too many people try and change. Just be yourselves people! That's all I ask. xD I do not like posers. I do accept people as who they are...

    It's sad people get driven to changing themselves for others...they try and make themselves feel good about it...but in the end, all you're left with is regret...

    -- Jason Clement
    | Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by Jason_Clement | [ Reply to This ]
      Really well written, I loved it. It was great. It wasn't too long, it wasn't too short. It got me pumpin' and it was really awesome. So many people go through that same feeling, so many. I know I have.

    It was great, I liked it, and I hope to see more of your work.

    -Nada
    | Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by No_purpose | [ Reply to This ]
      VERY well-written and well-rhymed. I would suggest changing "what have i been" to 'where'; and "now she has no more hope left" to 'no hope left'. It helps the ending flow better. Overall, I think you did a great job and im going to 'stalk' you if you dont mind.


    ~Kane~
    | Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by Kane Martyr | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought that ths was well written, well rhymed(even though in some spots you used lose rymes, but it still worked), and well expressed. I think that you are trying to portray a person who has been converted from what she was to something that society wants. I think that most people have gone down that road of being changed into something else. If I am on the totally wrong track for what this poem is about, PM me and I will reread it and try to find the real meaning behind it. Very original idea though. Keep Writing.
    ~Caotic~
    | Posted on 2006-08-04 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]


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