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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Close the Window...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KimmyMim
    ASL Info:    47 Female New England
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 170/211/66
    Words: 200
    Class/Type: Rant/Alone
    Total Views: 151
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1563



    Description:
       This just spilled from nowhere,
    or somewhere, I don't know.
    Sometimes...I like being alone, but
    perhaps I should close my window
    more often...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsClose the Window...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    This artists world
    is a silent laugh
    behind a lonely window...

    Though time
    and over use may
    find the comfort
    of her home laced
    with chips and cracks,
    the window
    is the only entrance
    to her rambling mind.

    Locked in safely
    with a mild spirit
    and a tender heart,
    quite often she finds
    herself peering out
    to become entertained
    with life.
    Even the seasons
    amuse her.

    Like the stare of Springs
    invisible eyes.
    She sees them -
    quietly weaving
    their tapestry.
    Soft rays of color
    gently spilling
    into Summers warmth,
    then fading,
    with hope,
    into the open arms
    of Autumns twilight.

    She sees Autumns
    smouldering leaves,
    dance like tiny embers
    across her canvas.
    Then in exhaltation
    she tastes the sweet decay
    of a desperate breath
    blowing in a cornucopia
    of bronzed colors
    about the land.

    Drink from her golden cup!
    Intoxicate yourself
    with the alluring
    odor of her crisp passion!
    Indulge, and be swept
    into the whirl wind
    of the shadows
    of her mind!
    Then taste her dying lips
    again and again,
    as she anticipates
    Winters assured return.

    This artists world
    laughs silently at her...
    she closes her window
    and draws the blinds.




    Submitted on 2006-08-04 14:18:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is an enjoyable read. The message is solid and well communicated.

    The language seems a little more like a tale than a poem. I think I might be tempted to write it in normal paragraph form. Or perhaps to go the other way and jettison your proper grammar for a looser style.

    The last four lines are the most attractive of all.
    This artists world
    laughs silently at her...
    she closes her window
    and draws the blinds.

    Sometimes, you just need to step away.



    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-08-16 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    113271



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