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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1208
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1033



    Description:
       This is a one minute poem dedicated to Sian.
    Not very refined but I wrote it on the spot for her.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I saw your face through a plastic window, yet it spoke a world to me
    Within, my heart was fluttering, and I had a yearning for thee
    You spake so true upon the screen and bared a mind so pure
    Beneath the furore of hatred which you used to keep wolves from the door.

    I saw you with these eyes I saw what no one without soul could see
    And felt within my soul that you were perfect, perfect but for me
    And so I set my hammer down and gave the life I scorned a chance
    To witness the wonder I found on the wind, and I asked you if you would take my hand

    To my surprise and my delight you felt in your heart a twin to my burning
    A passion that consumed you as the fire consumed my soul
    And a love that rose above to match my own

    I found an angel upon the streams
    I captured perfection with a net of love
    And held her close and kept her near
    For as my angel, my life, my love,
    You must never disappear...




    Submitted on 2006-08-04 18:46:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      It's very good to be done in such a short time. Brilliant. Well, if you ever want to refine it, well, one thing I noticed was that the diction was not consistent and the phrasing was not consistent with the era of the diction. Well, it would take a while to unify everything. Currently, this is a very good poem.

    - Fougene
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by Fougene | [ Reply to This ]
      For thinking of this on the spot this is really good. The flow is pretty much good and the wording is great. I can feel the love in this poem and i wouldnt really change anything. You have like one spelling mistake i think other wise its great. sry im in a rush to get to work or id leave a better comment.

    Tatum
    | Posted on 2006-08-05 00:00:00 | by spikerz1621 | [ Reply to This ]


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