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    dots Submission Name: Tiny Dancerdots

    Author: littleshuford
    ASL Info:    19/M/nc
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 140/176/52
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 925
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 642


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTiny Dancerdots

    Hauntingly unending,
    The music plays on from the walls.
    Rose-colored shoes draw intricate patterns
    On my hand.
    Tiny pixy dancer in my hand.

    Softly adorning each finger with roses,
    She sweetly sings a ballad of note unfouled.
    Alluring without trying,
    The rose grows to cover me,
    Envelopes me in its softest shimmering arms,
    And vanishes.

    And then I remember that I am alone
    In a gray world.
    Lost in a gulley,
    Surrounded by bubbling trees marked by black X's.
    The softest fern trampled,
    Not alive to comfort me.

    Submitted on 2006-08-04 18:58:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed this. I was expecting something a little more Elton John (kidding) though. I agree that it reminds me of Ferngully too. I think you mean envelop instead of envelope though. I'm not keen on inversions because I think they sound old-fashioned and too consciously "poetic," so you might want to rephrase "She sweetly sings a ballad of note unfouled." That's your call though.

    Nicely done,
    | Posted on 2006-08-05 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poiece, I liked the imagery you created in my mind with the choice of words. I actually thought of a movie called "FernGully" I'm not sure if you've seen it, it's an old childs movie but it deals with pixie like humans trying to protect their forest from being cut down. I don't know that was random sorry lol. You have a great style of writing and I really enjoyed the read! Keep up the great work! :)

    | Posted on 2006-08-05 00:00:00 | by my_worst_fear85 | [ Reply to This ]

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