Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Explination


Author: DrewDilla
ASL Info:    25/M/Chicago
Elite Ratio:    2.81 - 131 /196 /51
Words: 158
Class/Type: Misc /Passion
Total Views: 1264
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 850



Description:


Im just explaning the one line out of Locked in My Head, But some say they dont understand it do you?


Explination



I don't even need to get fried
'cause you make me feel like I'm on the world's biggest ride-----I'm a straight

smoker/joker and I will poke her a little more then you and with more style like showering

with Dial getten fresh like Guile from StreetFighter now I need a lighter before I litter

the soaps casing cause then I'de be hateing what I could be faceing for not toasing it in the

garbadge. Then check my message. she startin to discourage my urge. To be confident in

life is what I meant. So a suit I rent cause she asked me to marriage. So I can trim her

hedge. Then use a sledge to hit the wedge to open the wooden gate covering my fate to be

with her on a date cause she is my true mate.




Submitted on 2006-08-06 10:19:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  hedge. Then use a sledge to hit the wedge to open the wooden gate covering my fate to be

i Especially liked these lines, very nice illustarations, very originally and thoughtfull, liked how u write in your own, very intriguing style, it hits me,, nice job..

with Dial getten fresh like Guile from StreetFighter now I need a lighter before I litter

Liked the metafors of this,. Liked the differency and idea of this.. I say, very nicely going..
| Posted on 2006-11-12 00:00:00 | by -=Bass=- | [ Reply to This ]
  once again, you crazy! lol.. i liked it, just need to check some spelling errors. but all in all, i liked it.

Holy xx
| Posted on 2006-09-27 00:00:00 | by Holy Wood | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok. Well- I'm able to comprehend what you're attempting to say in this piece but it's still a bit confusing. There's alot of spelling errors which causes it to appear like your just starting out with poetry. So many of your pieces are in this particular style & they read more like lyrics instead of poetry... is that what you're going for, Drew?
~T.
| Posted on 2006-08-10 00:00:00 | by Tonya V. | [ Reply to This ]
  i saw the word street fighter and then i lost u. i was like street fighter. that was a coool game...

okay back to the poem
i liked the words u used they were crazy outa nowhere. cool rite yo.


| Posted on 2006-08-13 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
  I don't even need to get fried
'cause (because) you make me feel like I'm on the worlds biggest ride.
I'm a straight smoker/joker and I will poke her(Drew- you sound like such a gentleman!) a little more then you and with more style like showering with Dial.
Gettin' fresh like Guile from StreetFighter.
Now I need a lighter before I litter the soaps casing cause (because) I'd be hating what I'd be facing for not tossing it in the garbage.
(That last line is confusing to me. Why do you need a lighter?)
Then, check my message.
She (She's) startin (starting) to discourage my urge.
To be confident in life, is what I meant.
So, a suit I rent cause she asked me to marriage.
So I can trim her hedge.
Then, use a sledge to hit the wedge to open the wooden gate covering my fate to be her on a date cause she is my true mate.
-------------------------------------------------------------
OK. I've went through & fixed some spelling errors for you but this piece is still kinda crammed together & sounds a bit messed up. It sounds like you like this girl, yet, you use crude comments such as 'poke her' & 'trim her hedge'. Don't get me wrong, Drew, you have some good lines shining through but I'm not sure if people recognize them because of some of the crude ones. They blur out the nice ones. I'm one to be honest with you & you know that. I don't want to discourage you but help you find your groove.
~T.
| Posted on 2006-08-12 00:00:00 | by Tonya V. | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



113425