hedge. Then use a sledge to hit the wedge to open the wooden gate covering my fate to be
i Especially liked these lines, very nice illustarations, very originally and thoughtfull, liked how u write in your own, very intriguing style, it hits me,, nice job..
with Dial getten fresh like Guile from StreetFighter now I need a lighter before I litter
Liked the metafors of this,. Liked the differency and idea of this.. I say, very nicely going..
Ok. Well- I'm able to comprehend what you're attempting to say in this piece but it's still a bit confusing. There's alot of spelling errors which causes it to appear like your just starting out with poetry. So many of your pieces are in this particular style & they read more like lyrics instead of poetry... is that what you're going for, Drew? ~T.
I don't even need to get fried 'cause (because) you make me feel like I'm on the worlds biggest ride. I'm a straight smoker/joker and I will poke her(Drew- you sound like such a gentleman!) a little more then you and with more style like showering with Dial. Gettin' fresh like Guile from StreetFighter. Now I need a lighter before I litter the soaps casing cause (because) I'd be hating what I'd be facing for not tossing it in the garbage. (That last line is confusing to me. Why do you need a lighter?) Then, check my message. She (She's) startin (starting) to discourage my urge. To be confident in life, is what I meant. So, a suit I rent cause she asked me to marriage. So I can trim her hedge. Then, use a sledge to hit the wedge to open the wooden gate covering my fate to be her on a date cause she is my true mate. ------------------------------------------------------------- OK. I've went through & fixed some spelling errors for you but this piece is still kinda crammed together & sounds a bit messed up. It sounds like you like this girl, yet, you use crude comments such as 'poke her' & 'trim her hedge'. Don't get me wrong, Drew, you have some good lines shining through but I'm not sure if people recognize them because of some of the crude ones. They blur out the nice ones. I'm one to be honest with you & you know that. I don't want to discourage you but help you find your groove. ~T.
Submission Name: Explination
