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Colours seep into her world
Absorbing all but grey
Withdrawing deep inside herself
She has nothing to say
She tried to lie to those around
To smile and go about her life
For you she tried to do this
And she put away her knife
But each day she smiled, she faded
She couldn't keep on trying
Couldn't act like nothing was wrong
When inside she was dying
So the knife returned to where it used to lay
And at night, returned to her wrist
And as the blood ran down her arm, she cried
Believing she wouldn't be missed
So now they kneel on the grassy mound
With the marble stone that says her name
"Although she once was full of life
She couldn't take the pain"
But still she cries alone sometimes
Because her life she did erase..
She never believed that they would miss her
She was only, Laura-disGrace
| Hey. Unfortunately I doubt I have anything new to say, than the posts already submitted. However, I did feel a need to leave a comment. Your flow was really great, never off by a beat and it was easy to read all the way through.|
Sometimes this can be a hassel for a sad poem, because the rhythm of poems leave the reader (who is suppose to be saddened by the read) tapping their feet to the words that they read. That's not this case though. You were able to keep a steady flow, and pace, while still showing me the pain of the character 'Laura-(dis)Grace'.
I have seen alot of cutting poems, and I'm going to be completely honest with you and tell you that I don't normally show any particular interest in them at all. I might give them a chance, and read all the way through - but rarely do I really like what I find.
The reason I liked yours, is because you had the spark of originality to not just talk about the same old blood pouring, because of the same old pain that people feel. (I know my wording for this may be takin' offensively, but please know that I didn't mean it that way in the least bit.- I'm just sayin' that this topic is over-done these days...As serious as the issue is.) You kept goin' with it, and gave your character immortality. She was still crying when she had died. And the best part about it, was that you told other readers - who just might be cutters- that killing yourself isn't the right choice. You also showed them, that even in times of doubt and thinking that nobody would care if they were gone... Well, the truth is, there is atleast one person that will care.
All in all, that was a really nice read for me. Thankyou. :)
Hope everything is wonderful for you...Or atleast gettin' there. Show the world that you can smile through it all, and the world will soon give you something real to smile about.
Best wishes. -Stefhy-
|| Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ] || your flow is wonderful, it gets a little rough at times, but really, in general its wonderful. i really liked this poem, you truely have a way with words, and i dont say that lightly. you have tallent, and i know where you come from on this poem, and i truely think that you would be missed. you have a beautiful gilf for words,use them, let everyone see them, your great.|
p.s. thanks for the comment on healing, sorry this comment is so short, next time i will try to make it longer.
|| Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by Moonshadow | [ Reply to This ] || Pretty good job. The only thing I didn't like about this was the whole use of the phrase "dying inside" it's just way too overused, but otherwise than that bit, it was very good. |
I hate suicide...it's selfish and a stupid choice, but I've been through my stages, and I do understand the way they feel inside.
Hang in there...
|| Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ] || I will always love that. I'm glad you re-submitted it.|
Very clever what you did with your name. But it's sad though.
I'm too medicated to cry, but it felt like my heart sank into my stomach.
I can't even pick a favorite part this time (and you know how I like to do that) cause I love the whole thing too much.
This is going to the favorites.
|| Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ] || I agree. This had a terrific flow to it. I expect you barely had any trouble writing it. Probably just popped out of your fingertips and that is a gift. Sad that a lot of people feel like this. No one understands it either. I have a poem somewhat similar. But, good write.|
Don't feel the need to comment on my work I'm trying to get to +30 I'd taken a leave from the site for a while and now I'm back to get my reciprocation up. So, don't feel like you have to comment back. I'm just doing everyone a favor. Thanks for the read!
|| Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ] |