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Passing Through


Author: Mr. Creep
ASL Info:    16. Female. Here
Elite Ratio:    1.97 - 96 /177 /112
Words: 85
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1299
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 513



Description:


Dont even say this poem dosent have enough emotion or its too short b/c it has plenty of emotion and I took time on it. If you dont like it fuck you. lol if you do coment it and tell me wut you thought:) ps. ignore the few spellin errors i no of them


Passing Through



I think I'll just lay here.
Ignoring tears of imperfection as they fall from my tainted eyes.
But as I lay immoble, seperate from everything else.
A smile crosses my beaten face,
and in that moment, all the pain went away.
All the memories of my past life dissapeard
and I was free.
My soul passed into another world,
as my broken bones desintigrated into the ground and my flesh was picked at by ravens.
I was on a ride to a better place, Hell.




Submitted on 2006-08-07 11:56:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  A poem is never too short or too emotionless. I think it's great just the way it is. It's very interesting, the good way, it makes you wonder. Especially the last line.

I was on another ride to a better place, Hell.

Really makes you wonder about your own life. Anyway good job on the piece.
| Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by Foreseer | [ Reply to This ]
  Though it is indeed short, I think it works. It's just enough to capture the reader and get a very deep point across.

The end especially was interesting to me.
"I was on a ride to a better place, Hell."
I liked that especially.
| Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by apassionatemoo | [ Reply to This ]
  well jjust to tell you it has alot of emotion and its not too short i actually liked it alot really

you can really understand it because it has a litte bit of bluntness.

"I think I'll just lay here.
Ignoring tears of imperfection as they fall from my tainted eyes.
But as I lay immoble, seperate from everything else.
A smile crosses my beaten face"

i raelly like the beginning it kind of puts you in the mode of the poem.


kool write

Fana
| Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]


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