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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: One Last Timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Liv2LoveThePain
    ASL Info:    19 - F - Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 1527/1515/256
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1131
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 817



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne Last Timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your lips bleed on my neck.
    Fingers grab my hair.
    Slide the knife across my chest,
    and then kick out the chair.

    I'm loving every second;
    living every line.
    Chewing up the words,
    pretending
    this is "one last time."


    You sink into my mouth,
    cutting through my dress.
    Fantasy and flesh combine,
    creating such a mess.

    I swallowed all the glass
    broken at our feet.
    Pulling out my heart,
    your smile
    never felt less sweet.


    Your soul breathes life in me.
    Then tragically, it's gone.
    Again, I slashed the innocence
    I've wished for all along.




    Submitted on 2006-08-07 18:01:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      your words bleed perfection. i cant even stand it.

    i love everything you write, obviously, and its been too long since i last read through your stuff. this one caught me, even more so than yours always do. its ridiculous, how much this reminded me of me and my lovely mess of sex and violence and love and hate..ridiculous. but it fits because you're that ridiculously good. love you nikki, and it was a sin to forget how much i love your writing too.

    ~sabrina.
    | Posted on 2007-03-04 00:00:00 | by icaughtfire591 | [ Reply to This ]
      Go figure, I come in with time for one and pull up your featured and as always am left amazed at how you word life, relationships in such a real way for me. Putting into a dark and dangerous erotica - that which most just put into a "bad chapter of life" category - too afraid to say it in the manner that you excell at.

    Can I just say - once again you have pulled a moment from my mind and expressed it for me in cold hard reality - that which I just walked away from confused and defeated again...

    Awesome, you are truly awesome
    Excellent work Nikkki,

    Lisa
    | Posted on 2007-02-11 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      Kind of sexy but kind of sick? I love your style! I never know what your thinking? Well that is a thing I find atractive in your writing . Keep it comming.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      God you're good! I've read through a lot of your writes and I love them all... I stopped to give comment to this one because it stopped me in my tracks. I truly have goosebumps. My 'one last time' came to see me this weekend and I enjoyed every second, ate up every word and then live with my own concience until he stops by again. You nailed it for me!

    The depth of your writing is very impressive and I am humbled.
    | Posted on 2006-10-09 00:00:00 | by kiddo13 | [ Reply to This ]
      uve got talent and im sure if u put ur mind 2 it you could also live and laugh again good work keep it up catch ya
    | Posted on 2006-08-16 00:00:00 | by brokenbylove | [ Reply to This ]
      This is dark, but has a romantic tone all the same. I love how you blended love, passion and despair together. A very tasty combination indeed.

    I can feel your agony with each word that I've read, and I do hope, that if these are real life emotions....that things will get better for you. Remember, only you know what's right for you, have faith, pray and stay strong.....your path will guide you to where YOU choose....God can only put the paths before you.

    The second stanza has to be my favorite, just the way you put it out to the reader really caught me, I really believe that is the stanza that roped me in.

    This was a great read...I'm glad I stopped by ;)


    Waiting for life to begin,

    Sorrel
    | Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by SorrelsReality | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,

    The part that was most intruiging was the fact that you walked through the lines erotically without sounding too vulgar. the way you've managed to do that was amazing...I loved the way you have constructed this. It shows control as well as passion in your write.

    At first i thought that this was another normal write that many people talk about but then i read it a second time and i really got to appreciate what you did here. I got to see that this write has its own unique flavor to it and shows a lot of sparks that many other people will stray away from. So forgive me if my first read wasn't so understanding but i read it again and i really did like what you did here...

    I don't have any critics for this piece...It's amazing just the way it is.

    Take care.
    ~Irina
    | Posted on 2006-08-08 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      I like... like a lot... but what do you write that I don't seem to like?... I like the feel the sexuallity of it the ripping through the clothes instead of just take it off... kind of shows what kind of personalities the characters have... seems like they both enjoy this little twist though because you say that he breathes life into you and when his lips are gone it leaves... I am impressed you describe so much in that little content of words... you know how to activate peoples feelings with your word choice which is really great... One Last Time... I don't think so... nice write

    Jose J. Ortiz aka Josyman

    PS- Thanks for that comment put a smile on my face
    | Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very deep
    I think you touched on the erotic so strangely to let the reader know this was not a relationshio that both parties agreed to
    I may be wrong with that assumption but that is the feeling I got reading this
    I really liked the use of the term Glass as glass is sharp and can hurt just like any relationshio can break or hurt deeply
    Excellent Job!!!
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please keep in touch
    Its been awhile since Ive heard from you
    | Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is akwardly erotic. Or maybe the writes normal, and I'm just akward; I don't know. I swear some of your poems are better than some of the sex I've had, but that just might speak for really lame sex; either way it's ment as a compliment! At least with your writes, there's genuine pleasure, and no need to pretend. You're writes, though fairly similar, never really seem redundent to me, I wonder how you do that so well. I love how you do the italicized thing, I wonder why I haven't thought of that; well we did establish earlier your superior intelligence. And the pics you add, always seem to add to the character of the write. I think I'll enjoy this "one last time"(sorry, I just couldn't help it!)
    | Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      *Envy flowing through want to write a bad comment but cant, struggles then breaks free*.

    Oh sorry about that, just had a little run-in with the green eyed monster. This was a really good piece *cut and paste typical comment here* do you ever disappoint?

    Jealous,
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      u are brilliant. our right here. this was absolutely amazing and i dont know how u do it. you just keep getting more talented everyday. i cant pick my favorite part because its all so wonderful. you are truly a prodigy.

    ~Samm
    | Posted on 2006-08-10 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]


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