Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Obra de Arte

Author: Memphis
ASL Info:    21/f/Right Here
Elite Ratio:    5.13 - 130 /158 /31
Words: 62
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1067
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 446


I haven't written anything in a very long time. But I just got the urge to play with words again. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Obra de Arte

Defined as you are,
When are disappears,
Where do you go?

The artist chooses
to sketch you on canvas
and forgoes paint.
Instead he smudges the image
with his index finger,
Blurring the fine lines of your face.
But there's no need to fear.
You wear obscurity well.
And after all,
very few can claim they've been
between the lines.

Submitted on 2006-08-07 20:35:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Is this poem about the attempt to make someone special disappear from your life? Or perhaps make them more undefined... so they don't have as much of an emotional drain on you? Just the way you worded this leads me to this conclusion.

To blur the lines of canvas already painted upon, ahh... you're this painting and this person whose finger it is seems to forget you are there half the time... hence the "obscurity" line. "Between the lines" is a limbo state: not quite here, not quite there but still somewhere... right?

Whatever your intents, I think I got enough out of it to make sense of it.

| Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?