I just stay here alone.
I have nowhere else to go.
Why do I go on pretending…In this world so cold?
Why do I give, to glory and sin?
I push it all away, again & again.
How do I keep myself from falling?
When I know I must let go.
Questions I should be asking.
Answers I should know.
Sometimes a feeling ……..something better.
Hope it fades, hope it goes.
It’s a weight on my shoulders,
These Demons & Angels.
From each a whisper, my own voice keeps talking.
And, It says nothing at all.
How free is my will with destiny always knocking.
Perhaps if I had faith,
I wouldn’t ask who has lied.
You or I.
But truth is every color ………..choose a side.
| This is a little different here. First there is a pattern of going in and out of rhyming almost as if the writer wasn’t sure to make this a piece that rhymed or a free verse. It is just unusual. Sometimes people will make a piece that has rhymes but many of them are not perfect rhymes they do not match the context or they have to make a line unusually long. Here I see that there are near rhymes they almost sound the same but they aren’t. Like “sin” with “again”, “go” with “cold”. That could just be accidental or perhaps intentional; there are other lines that do rhyme here such as: “go” with “know” also “talking” with “knocking” and then other parts that have no rhyme whatsoever. But not everything needs a format. |
st1: The message is good all the way up until the giving to glory part that is odd for me but that could be my lack of understanding. Here it the looking into oneself with the “why” those are some of the toughest questions to answer. Also the fifth line how we repeat those things over and over, I can identify with that.
st1 to st2 compared
now it is broken into two sections one very short and the other long, ¾ of the poem (75 percent) is in stanza two. That causes me to wonder why that uneven break? does the writer want me to see something from that? Those are the questions I ask but I do not only do that for these situations, I try to do it on every write. Ok this is my view on it, I do not know if it is right but I will give it a crack. the first stanza is more of a melancholy tone, a defeatist attitude at times BUT that is only one light that I can see on it, another would be the “pretending” may be “hiding from” perhaps the cure/solution that could be another way to look at it. It hinges on what the pretending is. Stanza two is different for me I look at it one way and see other things in it. I think stanza two will be much harder for me.
st2: the two verse lock into each other for me to mean something more together than they mean separate. The question “how do I keep myself from falling?” followed by “when I know I must let go” I am going try to think of a situation that this could apply too, I am NOT in anyway saying it is yours; I just want it to mean something to me which every write should do to some degree. (((I think of someone who has a girlfriend whom he loves dearly but she is bad for him. She makes his life a living hell. He has distanced himself from his family and there comes a time to where he has to let her go. The break-up would crush him but it is something he must do because she is destroying his spirit and his relationship to others and so he must let her go))) that is one thought that helps me with the first two lines. Now the lines with questions and answers, I like the answers I should know. Sometimes we don’t ask the right questions nor accept the answers we are given often leading to ignorance other times trouble. Ok, moving on down here to the Demons and Angels part; we all have that inside the ability to be good or evil to make an accomplishment or happen to be involved in a folly. I do often feel as far as free will in concerned it doesn’t always seem free if I am told it carries a price. The end is good choose a side the other parts I just do really know much about the situation to say much. Sometimes I can dig into a write, often in places where others frown on, but I try my hardest to give all I can. anyhow well done,
|| Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ] || I like it, but I came across a lot of rhymes that sounded forced, and with that added to an uneven number of lines, though it may be your style, it really pushed my interest in the other direction. I am however moved by the topic at hand, Demons and Angels.||| Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by JR Hoodlum | [ Reply to This ] || the title pulled me into this one. i have felt like this before and after a 2nd reading realized this is actually good. the rhyming and flow sometimes seem a little forces, but dont worry, i'm wrong a lot||| Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by spitacidsoot | [ Reply to This ] |