Serenity

Author: manicsmuse ASL Info:    28 Elite Ratio:    3.69 - 146 /161 /55 Words: 93

Class/Type: Misc /Misc Total Views: 1066 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 547

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Serenity

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Oh how I miss the wispering willow that leaped into my heart. It rained it's indiference down on me from the very start. When the wind was shallow and the vastness cried, I could not seem to follow. When everything seemed so untrue and nothing was quite fair, I hollared to the falling sun who did not seem to care. Oh how I seek that calmness to wrap around my soul. Then I could rest my knees and swing all day, When I have lost which way to go.

Submitted on 2006-08-08 09:59:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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My critique is much the same as hyproglo. I would make it a little easier on the eyes and shave off a couple of the's and and's. Oh, how I miss the wispering willow that leaped into my heart. It rained it's indiference down on me from the very start. When the wind was shallow, the vastness cried, I could not seem to follow. When everything seemed so untrue, nothing was quite fair, I hollared to the falling sun who did not seem to care. Oh, how I seek that calmness, to wrap around my soul. Then I could rest my knees and swing all day, When I have lost which way to go. something like that.. thanks for sharing, Swanne

| Posted on 2006-08-10 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]

Well, I dont see where you come off saying you have a flow problem with this. Heck, I dont even see any problem with this except for a few spelling and grammatical errors...and believe me...when you can only be critiqued on spelling and grammatical errors...you have a good write. Oh how I miss the whispering willow that leaped into my heart. It rained it's indifference on me from the very start. When the wind was shallow and the vastness cried, I could not seem to follow Because of the tears in my eyes When everything seemed so untrue and nothing was quite fair, I hollared at the falling sun It did not seem to care. Oh how I seek that calmness to wrap around my soul So I could rest my knees and swing all day, When I have lost which way to go O.k....so I critiqued it a bit. *shrugs* Not gonna stop me from adding it to my faves list though. This one may leave you unsettled, but I bet it will leave most that read it just like me...smiling. Thanks for sharing Angela.

| Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

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