"Thorns and Red" by Loquacious Mind

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Submission Name: "Thorns and Red" dots

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Author:	Loquacious Mind
ASL Info:	20/M/North Carolina
Elite Ratio:	7.96 - 267/296/89
Words:	218

Class/Type:	Poetry/Romance
Total Views:	291
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1733

Description:
Dark Lady, why do you haunt me so?...*slits wrists*

"...if the whole man be trained perfectly, and his mind calm, consistent, and powerful, the vision which comes to him is seen as in a perfect mirror, serenly, and in consistence with the rational power; but if the mind be imperfect and ill trained, the vision is seen as in a broken mirror, with strange distortions and discrepancies, all the passions of the heart breathing upon it in cross ripples, till hardly a trace of it remains unbroken. So that, strictly speaking the imagination is never governed; it is always the ruling and Divine power..." --Ruskin

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"Thorns and Red" dots

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Each quivering kiss-
An alliteration of your every thought
Personification of Love's mascara
Bleeding us through inked Desire
Left suspended: the lucridity of Action
Each step, each lost glance wand'ring
Picturesque silhouette; mosaic stow-
Emotion in vogue: decision of Prose

To Love, or taste your Thorns and Red
Tentatively attentive to Trust's tantivy
And the contradiction of speech
So unimaginative, Crayola's and coloring books:
Your figure blandly unexciting, arousing
An analysis of suicide over You;
To cradle simple things left Broken
Or the complex intricacies of hollow implication?

Emotionally recessed from the outside in
By the aromatic ardor of reclusive Lusts
Embedded in that name, making love
Moist sheets-the scent of you: vomit and
Vodka like an opalescent luminescence...

[Dark-Lady whipsers]
"...Of glowing cinders, those letters-words
Castrated 'to a fit of perpetuant silence,
Hands soaked in red lipstick and rigor-mortis
Deaf-these ears, sorting coals using quills
And nibs, Satan's tendrils of Despair..."

Your every dowry; wedding gown with ring
Piece of sentiment dressing o'er breasts
Laden of the sweet suffice in lonely nights
Lying next to scrying pools and your Reflection
Stirring 'bout in sodden cloth and rag:
Gallantry of a whole man once broken
Was whole-now fragmented and left
To cradle simple things left Broken
Or the complex intricacies of hollow implication?

Submitted on 2006-08-08 15:13:03 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  it was so hostile, so loving and cruel. the intantions were so complex and misshapen. it was positively ogasmic. the words were so well chosen and the flow was even and yet ever so unbalanced... it was beautiful and rotten. it sucked the love away in the end and you are only left with harse erotica... (shrug)
Good job... i think.
| Posted on 2006-09-15 00:00:00 | by butterfly wings | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey,

Honestly, That's what i call poetry. You've just captured me in the mood. You've made me stuck between the language of the past and the language of modern times which i found to be quite unique. I just love what you've done here.

Forgive me for being lazy in writing this morning but my fingers aren't really working too well so i'm gonna have to keep this short...and if i keep writing then i guess i got lucky.

Anyhow, i just thought that this was based on a relationship maybe even a marriage one that has turned bad because something has gone wrong like deception or unfaithfulness. yet everything that we actually go through is in our mind and if we want it to be perfect, we have to train our minds that it's perfect but if we train our mind to think of imperfections, then that's the way it's gonna be. I don't know if i got it right but i got my interpretation and it kinda stick with me.

Anyhow, i think this is excellent work.
Great job.
Take care....
~Irina
| Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  okay okay I think I might....kinda....get this one?? idfk what's a commitment mean if it has more meaning to one person then the other? what's a promise worth if it was concieved from lies and a million other broken promises...whether to yourself or the person you'd be marrying....but it does take a lot to make yourself okay with lies sometimes, with be halfhearted with someone and playing with their emotions just because they choose to let you...but what if they just love you that much? that they'd let you do that to them, b/c at least that way they'd cross your mind? idk I did like this it just made me wonder about you:P lol jp.
much love,
{{jess}}
| Posted on 2006-08-08 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  Haha. I understood it! It's a good poem ^__^ had to think about it. Badumcha.

"Jason_C: as far as I can tell it's someone trying to decide whether or not he really wants to do himself in or if it's just a thought"

-- Jason Clement
| Posted on 2006-08-08 00:00:00 | by Jason_Clement | [ Reply to This ]
  Argh, I just had my last comment deleted because I took an idustrial amount of time writing it. I guess I can try redoing it but quicker.

Each quivering kiss-
An alliteration of your every thought
Personification of Love's mascara
Bleeding us through inked Desire
Left suspended: the lucridity of Action
Each step, each lost glance wand'ring
Picturesque silhouette; mosaic stow-
Emotion in vogue: decision of Prose
---
Fromt his I gathered a very romantic, heart-felt emotion at first. An impending capitulation to temptions of a beauty. Only, this capitualtion - feeling is very commonly known and simple in essence. I especially adore how there is a double sense that could be read either way in the first few parts of the stanza, the imagery balancing between a real woman or a real image

To Love, or taste your Thorns and Red
Tentatively attentive to Trust's tantivy
And the contradiction of speech
So unimaginative, Crayola's and coloring books:
Your figure blandly unexciting, arousing
An analysis of suicide over You;
To cradle simple things left Broken
Or the complex intricacies of hollow implication?
---
At first I was reading through a childish mistake made because of the discipline held in perfection, which led to the paradoxing flaw of itself; the question. I adore your playing around with 'suicide,' because read literally it is very misguiding. I understood it in the sense that the question is the analysis, and it is suicidal because either way you are left with a broken life - incomplete and not worth living - or a hollow, untrue, life which isn't really a life itself.

Emotionally recessed from the outside in
By the aromatic ardor of reclusive Lusts
Embedded in that name, making love
Moist sheets-the scent of you: vomit and
Vodka like an opalescent luminescence...
---
This one was especially tricky, although the simplest of stanzas, because while I was reading it, it was as if there were two single repetition loops, the second being bigger than the first and overlapping it. Although, this is read out to be temptation led to morbid and noxious things, regarded optimistically because of a lack of care; a lie carelessly ignored because of desire.

[Dark-Lady whipsers]
"...Of glowing cinders, those letters-words
Castrated 'to a fit of perpetuant silence,
Hands soaked in red lipstick and rigor-mortis
Deaf-these ears, sorting coals using quills
And nibs, Satan's tendrils of Despair..."
---
I enjoyed the referencial imagery late in this stanza, it really caught me off guard. I saw this one as the exploit of the darkness becoming bigger, almost overpowering the desire and sending a really check to the bewitched. Here would be were he'd start going downhill, instead of his earlier uphill run.

Your every dowry; wedding gown with ring
Piece of sentiment dressing o'er breasts
Laden of the sweet suffice in lonely nights
Lying next to scrying pools and your Reflection
Stirring 'bout in sodden cloth and rag:
Gallantry of a whole man once broken
Was whole-now fragmented and left
To cradle simple things left Broken
Or the complex intricacies of hollow implication?
---
Here I found a complication that truely completed the piece for me. He's presently married to his bewitching temptations, looking into what could be: Himself in the future, having the choice predeterminedly answered and he himself left broken, or he could be looking into himself, now and presetnly fragmented, but in his future in the sense that he'd be looking at two differen facets of himself at the same time, making the the flaw of his life - being a huge lie - ubiquitous. Therein he's answering the question, by implying both option at once. Like in my journal, using circular logic and going from one answer to the next.

I personnally don't think this comment was as great as the first, because it is a lot more refined and cut down. But I hope you still enjoy reading my thoughts about yours.

Outlaw
P.S: Some - like me - might say that the simplicities of life are what make it beautiful, but that just because I enjoy 'smelling the roses.'
| Posted on 2006-09-09 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]

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