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The Only Thing I Need

Author: od9.1.04
ASL Info:    15/f/oh
Elite Ratio:    1.68 - 18 /38 /19
Words: 110
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 895
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 634


The Only Thing I Need

At night i lie awake
Thinkin up dreams with you I want to make.

If only you knew that I was alive
If only you could have met my longing eyes.

I often wonder and make dreams
Of how you could sow my ripped heart seems.

My heart beats so fast
When your sweet face makes it's pass.

I want to go to the end of the world
I long to be your one and only girl.

When will you meet me?
And when can we together forever be?

But will you ever see
That you're the only thing I need?

Submitted on 2006-08-08 21:54:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Rhyming is not always the best for poetry. Sometimes it can make a poem with a strong core fall apart or seem childish.
it has a great line, but i know you can do better. I look forward to reading more of your stuff and seeing how you write.
If i were you, i might make an editted version of this story line, or try not cupplets.
Good Luck!
| Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by 4ever_numb | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice. Simple. Honest.

Nothing amazing, but it doesn't try to be. And that's a refreshing change of pace from most poetry.

"The desperate ignored schoolgirl" image is a bit cliché, but hey, love is cliché, and you don't see me shafting that now, do you.

Good, nice, honest, simple poem, get's the message across without needless extravagance.
| Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by Mop_box | [ Reply to This ]

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