Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 3rd floor and countingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shootingstar
    ASL Info:    22/f/hell
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 102/120/21
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 2419
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 872



    Description:
       pretty self explanitory. R.I.P. Danny J.
    I blame his alcoholic father who found it more important to be at the bar than to talk to his less than stable son. he was a wonderful talented kid.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots3rd floor and countingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A bitter night calling,
    The window is open.
    3rd floor and counting.

    Blue eyes on fire,
    With deadly desire.
    He sits on the windowsill.
    No one is home.

    10 years of tears,
    Form a pool on the sidewalk.


    Calloused hands gripping,
    Tense....and slipping.
    He clings to the windowsill.
    No one is home.

    Indecision holds tight,
    But fate falls, to sweaty palms.


    The silent stars glisten,
    Who's there to listen?
    Hands slip from the windowsill.
    No one is home.

    Desperate fingers seek a hold,
    Futile and falling.
    3rd floor and counting

    Musician and poet,
    To the few who took notice.
    There's blood on the windowsill.
    No one is home.




    Submitted on 2004-05-19 07:47:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      that is depressing, the description sets the 'scene'. I found this poem to be very good, exept for the rythem which was a little weird.
    -sjatos-
    | Posted on 2004-05-19 00:00:00 | by whiteshadows | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good, very dramatic, very sad. I think that repeating the title so many times dillutes the effect just a wee bit. Perhaps after using it as the last line in the first stanza you could save it again until the end. I think the first and last places you used the line fit very well.
    | Posted on 2004-05-19 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    11381

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry