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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Soiled Flowerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LoveToHateMe
    ASL Info:    20/girl/Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.61 - 175/148/42
    Words: 180
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 820
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1114



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSoiled Flowerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Shadows eat these roses.
    I watch them blacken, crumble, crash.
    Petals falling as they wither,
    each one quickly turns to ash.
    But each one was a part of me,
    now the wind carries them away.
    Creating that sharp whisper,
    words so hard to hear you say.
    Thereís pressure ripping at my chest
    I always felt because you knew.
    And tears cut like glass
    because all of it is true.
    Now the softest petals cut like blades
    and all beauty will be torn.
    Every love rots out so ugly
    and all roses have their thorns.
    So soon thatís all weíll have,
    A thorn thatís never cut so deep.
    Iíll cover wounds up with infection,
    but at least you wonít see me weak.
    And you wonít see this blood
    as it drips from my veins dark blue.
    As it runs through stems like poison,
    the same way it ran through you.
    The same way it runs through me
    until old toxins seep now from my skin.
    While this flower wilts and dies
    beneath this night its roots live in.




    Submitted on 2006-08-10 14:23:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. I love the emotions. Very powerful stuff here. I really like your wording too. My fav part was...

    "And tears cut like glass
    because all of it is true."

    That stuck out the most to me. Very good write! I hope to hear more from you :)


    Ciao,

    }i{Renae}i{
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this poem,
    Of course 10 people will read a poem and 10 people will have a different interpertation,
    but I saw this as holding emotions inside until they dry up, grow thorns, and cut deeper.

    "While this flower whilts and dies
    beneath this dirt it"s roots lives in"

    This is a great line to end the poem with that really sums up everything.
    you used a very common subject ( the Rose ) and really put your own twist on it.
    An instant fav,
    Thanks,
    Twice
    | Posted on 2006-09-24 00:00:00 | by Twice | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this alot. It was written very well, the flow was consistant and the rhyme was great. It was very dark and sad, and I felt a hint of anger. I always love poems that have those emotions in it. I really liked how you wrote yourself like a rose. Beautifully done! I loved the powm very much. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading.

    Sweet Blood Vampire
    | Posted on 2006-08-10 00:00:00 | by SweetX_XBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      i can't believe no one has commented on this poem yet. 2 views and no comments.

    pisses me off like the 88 views and 0 comments i had on "Mirage". poem was here almost a year and a hlaf w/not one comment *sighs*

    but i thought this piece was beautiful. something i would've tried would be to get the form to look like a rose wilting seems like it'd be fun.

    or separating this poem into stanzas. since it was altogether in one stanza, that caused me to kinda run through it in a stream of consciousness mode, not really retaining everything that i read, so i had to reread.

    but the emotion stacked and piled along with the imagery in this form, that's why i can't really touch anything about this one. for those who know me i'm a dangerous critic. i love to try and change other's writing, but i can't touch this one. going on my fave's list. i will be checking out your page later, but i gotta reevaluate those who i've stalked thus far, and see if i can't make room for ya .

    but wow...i'd like to get to know you a bit better and see if we can get a collab goin or something. the imagery this created...sounds like a soured relationship full of deceit and lies, cons and hollowed expectations being forcefed to you to a point where the very bowels of determination, persistance and good nature were carved out...and you stopped trying.

    or maybe thats my life, but nonetheless and excellent write, and i look forward to reading more from you

    merry meet and blessed be
    Loquacious Mind
    | Posted on 2006-08-10 00:00:00 | by Loquacious Mind | [ Reply to This ]
      You have a very dark and sometimes disturbing way of describing things, and I love it.
    People write about flowers all the time, but you made this original and more sad and creepy than the other ones.

    "Iíll cover wounds up with infection,
    but at least you wont see me weak.
    And you wont see my blood
    as it drips from my veins dark blue.
    As it runs through stems like poison,
    the same way it ran through you."

    I think that was my favorite part. It kind of felt like my heart fell into my stomach, you know? Thats awesome.

    You never fail to amaze me, dear. But I'm hungry... so I'm gonna go now

    As always
    Very beautifully done
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-08-10 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]


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    7. What was unclear?
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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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