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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forbidden Dreamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EL
    Elite Ratio:    3.39 - 272/189/52
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 593
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 577



    Description:
       I just wrote it right now and i would like honest feedback because i am not sure how i feel about it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForbidden Dreamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sunny cloudless skies,
    Not a rain drop to be felt,
    Sun beaming down on our backs,
    Not a breeze blows through,
    Feeling your touches,
    Tasting your lips,
    Missing all you gave,
    Missing all we had.

    Now all that is left are memories
    Forbidden dreams
    kept inside of me
    Lonely and sad
    empty and broken
    what is a girl to do?

    My eyes may cry
    My heart may bleed
    but still it remains inside of me
    My soul alone holds onto the
    Forbidden Dream...




    Submitted on 2006-08-10 19:41:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      We all have an forbidden dream that we long to see, but these dreams hold us prisoner and so we can be free. Your a beautiful writer with and I'm surprised that I haven't read any of your poems before. I looking forward to reading them.

    Love of Christ,

    Blue
    | Posted on 2014-09-17 00:00:00 | by lynn7 | [ Reply to This ]
      I have a Forbidden Dream just like this one. The only thing I would do differently is how you came into it. The first verse doesn't sound right. But the rest is fine.
    Katana
    | Posted on 2007-07-06 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
      I sure can relate to this, you have captured the yearning heart so well. The loneliness for that person and the feelings you go through, agonizing longing. This was written really well, I like free verse and you've done well with it and the flow was very smoothe. Nicely written and you made this reader feel every word.
    | Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by Molly Densmore | [ Reply to This ]
      If you really want my honest reaction, I don't think it did a lot for me. It's sort of similar to a lot of the other stuff out there; I think maybe because of the lack of anything that really sticks out and grabs you. When I read a really good poem, there's always certain phrases or ideas that reach out and touch me, make me feel something or remember something or think that I wish I could write something that good.

    I did like the first few lines, the images of the day around you. I felt it set the tone for the poem pretty nicely, which was then promptly yanked out from under us. The way that was done was pretty good.

    I'm not really sure what I could tell you I would do differently, or how to fix what I said was a problem a second ago. Sorry ;
    | Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by blackrainbow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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